It is 5am now........I had a fine day......to school, back home.....had a nap and i went dinner at the Pizza hut with Felix......gave me a treat....Besides that, the laugh of the day would be the person approaching Felix for some star thing.......I opened my email today when i got home, and i am surprised to see mails.....20 of them.....all birthday wishes.....a few who do not really know me, a few more classmates and acquaintences.......I appreciate those wishes on facebook no matter what.....they had it in mind.....Got to thank them..... Well, I suddenly felt drifted from my final project....it has been quiet, indeed, but the VI is not, it is ending next week and this week would be the deciding week......and the other group leader will not be here till thursday......I got to give some call for decisions......So far, i just need to get my sleeping time straight....besides that....care less of any other.......just focus...on sleeping.....of course.....and do not forget about the training......I got way more to go...... I put on masks to be cool and plain.....to hide the change on my face.......The one who know that some sudden fear would attack them, might be living in fear all night long........so that, hopefully, there would be no fear when things start to appear.....camouflaging....getting used to........and then we will all get what we call......peace. That is my philosophy

Today, indeed.......It is my birthday, birth time in 2 hours' time. Anyway, i am getting myself to sleep soon, i do not want to wake up regretting about sleeping late....so thats all folks. Well, this morning i played ball in Yishun, got myself taned.......actually more like the face is a little burnt....red....well, thats not important.......I helped a suzhou friend on her Management work, looks like i am pretty......not that bad......But i am rather nervous about the end result actually. Another monday starting tomorrow, not any different from previous weeks in this school....just without internet in school, all rights to access the web, this and that have been suspended, yes nice word to use, like some british officer.....SUSpended.......but actually, i do not have my own computer in school, so.....it does not matter to me.........i should enjoy the free time while it last.....in the studio.......more work will be coming as soon as this week ends......I received a couple of wishes on facebook from a couple of acquaintances...friends maybe, co-workers......around 5 in all......not that bad, i still people coming to me at least. Not as bad as I expect.....well........Although it is officially tomorrow but i think today is it, the real birthday, at this hour.....so i got to have a nice sleep to celebrate my 19th year on this planet. Life is being a little peaceful these few weeks, i wonder if it is a sign of some future disaster......yes i lost my phone a week ago, that is very frustrating....i would say stolen....yes. I lost my trust somehow....for Singapore after this.....It is not the clean Singapore i remembered years ago. Come on, Singapore is really clean comparing to the rest of the world.......so just feel good about it. Something reminded me of something......the dark reminded me of the death i once fear....always fear......and i cant wait for tomorrow,....because if tomorrow do not come, it will be the end for tonight. From time to time, i guess i am hiding my emotions about certain fear.....certain thoughts....certain expressions......Once i express them out, i am pretty impressed.......by how well i gush them out within..... a couple of minutes......of my time.......It is dark under the light. I am under the light. That is my philosophy

Its been a ordinary week, ......home, school, restarted balling with pram's second return. However Kurt is not back yet....., Basketball is not my game, I have been trying for some years, just 3 years. Did well for my size but it is not my game.....It....is closing in.......to the end of this year, 2009. I am not ready to be older yet. I am looking more like 17. My counselor was away and will be back in december, my sessions with her will end very soon as soon as i am "improved". Sometimes the image of death came back to me when i sleep, it is still there......It would never be gone. I am still escaping in my dreams......The everlasting escape, not sweet. The rain on this island has been pouring down recently, daily......making the sun feels rather sad. I remembered having good time with fellow suzhou folks 2 weeks ago........It let me understand my people. Well, I got to ball today with pram, there would not be much chance anyway, got to honour it. I can almost see the end of this week again......Time is driving......and I might be still sleeping when its time. Perhaps, sometimes, you really need to hold on to something, else......you drift along with the waves......That is my philosophy

I know, its been months.......quite some time before i get this posted. Few days ago, I tried to force myself to write something but i guess i have to leave it till i am more motivated......maybe today......My industrial attachment ended somewhere a month ago and I had another holiday being a lazy bum staying at home until i flew back to Nanjing then travelled between Suzhou and Nanjing, my mom 's home and my father's........Though the schedule is a little tight, I guess i did have some great time there. Revisited the Xuan Wu Lake in Nanjing, paddling the boat around.... enjoyed some sceneries....Well, the main objective for this return is basically because of my grandmothers, both maternal and paternal , since they are dying anytime, better return to see them before they are gone. The situation of them is quite similar but I guess they no longer know what is happening around them. Faster than said, I am back to Singapore a week later than the rest of the cohort, and I quickly suit back to the schedules and works to be done. The new home in Nanjing is splendid, really great, but it does feel a little cold though. I have not find out why but i guess it is just not something i am used to or familiar with......including the city and her people. I always find myself back to zero, always living as an underdog or rookie, back to the start..........always have to be confused a little.......cultural shock....yes, indeed. I have found out that my GPA has gone even lower last semester, well, I have no path to go but to get myself a victory at the end of this final project, I am going to do something for opera, music, design, I guess i am more familiar with that, i would want to make it a final comeback, its really victory or death, by the order of me..........However i would not panic, I will weigh it lighter in my mind, if not, emotional downfall might happen. Time after time, i remind myself to be strong.....and stronger... all aspects......I tried and trying......Building a castle of you own, building your stronghold.......like I said.........build your own great wall..........of everlasting length. That is my philosophy

If u are stuck between your world and the realistic, practical world, I would say, just do what u suppose to do. But what are we suppose to do? Pursue dreams? Do what we can to make us kings? Somehow, to say in a childish manner, the real success is not one person's success. It is the success of the world. Our world. Only when the world is happy, then there would be true happiness and harmony. However, again, we are back to seats facing the windows outside, you look at the streets, making yourself covered with gold or to survive the current situation seems to be the best option, can be a sky high task to people. Some people with the shortest way to achieve success or i should say close to success, did not do it. Human never do what is best, that is human, and that is very normal. So what is normal, normal means imperfection. Of course, nothing can be perfect, So there can be no true success for the world. It would never come. You should stick to your old plan to get a life and somehow, u can live a better life, comfortably while u watch the rest swimming in the storm. Bloody truth of life. So get your life. Once done, you are done, finally. That is my philosophy

We are all praying mantis. Mentor's students are called mantis, so i call it praying mantis since we do pray to mentors. It has been relaxing but i am still tired going to school. Well sitting in front of the computer do make human tired. The meer existence of it. Ah, i made a joke out of my cousin's job application form. View below.

Colour Fool. Today a classmate of mine, came up with this name, Because I rolled and rubbed against the walls on my way. Colourful walls, Colour Fool me. There is the colour, I am the fool. I thought of a good idea to make a comedy, maybe roll on different surface or texture of the walls, glass, carpet, any surface. Then make into a video, perhaps it could work(make people laugh). I can imagine crowds of people paying for this kind of concert, watching someone rubbing and rolling the walls on stage, watching youtube videos or visiting the official website of wall rolling action. That would be fun. I am sure that people would say it is stupid but I think it is pretty nice to do(roll). I guess i am not the only one who can think of such way to create fun. It is what I call new way of fun. Rolling on grass patch is long gone, here comes the wall rolling band of brothers, and sisters. My eldest cousin's mom, my aunt came for his graduation ceremony on tuesday, took some pictures there in NTU. Now i am back in the studio with some deadlines to work towards......actually quite confused on whats going on......months.....past....and still on concepts. It is a wonder to watch the season change, tropical citizens are unable to see that all the time. Colour Fool, rolling from spring to winter, that could be my style eh, the fool's style. My aunt always say good stuff about me, that might be a little more confident boosting, but, you know......at least for now......I am a hobbit. That is my philosophy

Central Fire Station. Outside FuNan IT Mall, i took this yesterday. Being a spy, ninja, shinobi, i took photos of thumb drive displays and then I bought some items for myself, a replacement for my badly torn canvas shoe, a new basketball shoe, 2 polo t shirts and a replacement for my torn jean. I got myself a hard drive at Sim Lim Square during my research tour. The world has changed......, bugis area is another world. There are more chinese nationals than ever, 1 out of every few shops has a counter at the entrance of the shop, with a chinese young woman sitting there, like a sign board, a new culture here indeed. I guess i spent quite alot yesterday. This coming saturday, i have an appointment for my finger, middle finger of my right hand has suffered a "thick skin" syndrome. It bled the past few times when i play basketball. It is time to remove it, with electricity i heard. Got to watch my spending for now. My skin condition always fluctuates, it gets better these days, but i got to watch it before it deterioriates again. I hope it would stay the same when its good or at least better. Just another day in the studio, with the progress going forward. Attachment is really relaxing this far. It is like half holiday. Lunch time is here...... My next counseling session is next week, the last one was 2 weeks ago. I started to think whether if the counselor has problems or no more ways to due with me, because i believe its a "self-changing" thing. If so, it is already done, anyday or......nothing could be done. So......hence, the best way is to reach "Nirvana". That is my philosophy

Attachment in school, all the same. I am staying in design studio all day. Today or these 2 days might be a little bit more busy. Cousin is back home for weeks, finding a job after his graduation. Mom is still in Nanjing, and her CPF is another troublesome work for me to deal with. My year in polytehnic, i mean the last year, is coming to the end really soon, maybe in 3/4 of a year's time. I will get into army soon. Although i know that i will have my "status" downgraded, and got into some light work unit after basic training which will be also lighter, I got to get trained up somehow. Well well, Life is going on, watch out, do not lose yourself in the crowd. I have been seeing a counselor for sometime, a month already, around 4 sessions. Finding out more about myself, the twisted world, most importantly, what kind of heart to face the world. The problems are there, deep, very deep, all the way to the roots, something that might be hard. You cannot change the world, you might be able to do a little change to yourself, but sometimes, it is just that hard and useless even if you did that. Pram was back for 2 weeks, we got our basketballing on for 2 weeks and then he left for his school in Australia again. Ernest became an improved player finally after 2 years and start to see problems and work on them, although he still does not see some. Cannot help it. I got a noisy studio, it will be twice as noisy next semester when literally everyone is back from everything. Miraculously, both my grandmothers are still alive and they have come a long way since they were down. Extra attention has made them last longer than they supposed to, I am not sure if they will still be there when I return again the next time. Well well, everyday has been a long day. Sleeping through makes days quick, feeling through makes them slow. Somehow, the counselor asked, if i were this this this, what will happen?, man, one variation change a whole lot of story. Everything will be changed. You can never imagine that. I am a hobbit in a cloak. That is my philosophy

Yes, yes yes. Time after time, we human take breaks from everything. When we are tired with one activity, we move on to the other, then vice versa. This has and will always be the case. My first term of year 3 is ending in 2 weeks' time, everyone in the studio have tons of work to complete, or maybe live through them. I am finding myself in ditches from time to time, unable to move on with gun shots suppressing on my head, when i move on finally, thinking that i make it through again, just like previous ones, i thought i could not make it, well....few more steps ahead, there is another gun post and then, ended up in another ditch i have. So problems.......is about staying in a ditch, a hole, a shelter, a cover, with suppressing fire on you. What is going to happen next, that can be decided by you. Hit? or run?, sometimes hit and run, sometimes run but will come back again. Some just keep hitting, suppressing the problematic gun fire. If that is the case, I bet the person has pretty good weapons. It is now, middle of 2009, one look back and one look ahead, I know what I suppose to do, and most importantly, do what I supposed to. I had a communication "knocked out" last week, both my internet and cellphone is gone. Phone is back, but internet is yet to be resolved. I guess i can rest a little as I continue to proceed to the next stage. Rest is very important, crucial and vital. Nothing goes on forever. Everything has a limited lifespan, and charging up is just to extend that little time to the fullest. I have been thinking about the soon to come chance, i know, people has been asking me too. Well, i will say it is a difficult thing to say, many would say that too, i have my own literatures and questions. But i am learning to be focus. Write a novel only after you have finished with your war experience, not during it, and definitely not before it. Change comes from time to time, a fresh way of living arrives everytime perhaps. That is also the time where you can finally move on to the next chapter when you are tired reading this one. Sometimes........you just need some movements to stimulate the change, they would not happen for you all the time, in fact, most needs you for the change to happen. May the change enlightens you. That is my philosophy

Milky way....way up high.......if u see it in the more scientific and philosophic manner. The god....might be referring to something else....for example ourselves....we can only help ourselves, we pray to ourselves. Karma, it might not be referring to our previous lives , but our ancestors ....what they did will affect us now, well , actually , if u see the overall thing, whatever u do doesnt affect the overall thing. Hitler - what he did seem to be causing further hardship for the later german decades ago, but they strive through and prosperous again...it all go up and down , up and down so.........it doesnt matter. For anyone, anything....Now matters. Thats all. well. at the end, earth will be destroyed. It come to a stop....an end......and there will be a new begining. All process goes on and on.....in circles. It is said that the process never started......never ends. Its just like time. We are just some creature trying to live, thats all. Be kind to yourself, thats all, even theres no meaning..... find some meaning out of nothing, and live it, thats all we can do....as a human. We might not be able to find out things high up in the universe...but i disagree for those who said theres no answer, it may be equivalent to no answer for universe kind of question...but sometimes its something close...they are just lazy to question. But, anyway.......I am done for today.......Happy resting......happy living. For now......That is my philosophy

Year 3 is coming very soon , but before that, it is my holiday.......But this semester has not yet ended....still a few crippy crappy things to be done, but basically the semester is done. Later i would go for a Rhinoceros mock test....3D modelling module u know. Life became easier again.....the previous days are a little tough....but soon, i shall see my last year in this polytechnic and it is really fast. National Service would soon arrive actually......Would not know where i am going or what i am going to do......I do not think i need to worry....i mean i do think alot about them but i guess people like me are planless because we messed up our own or change our plans at the end....... as well.....slowly decide or see.... see where I land myself in. Sometimes it really felt like parachuting from a plane......There are some factors that you can control....and some u cannot. That is my philosophy

Today i put on a show, of 10/15 Field goals....around there. Shot after shot after shot....and couple of layups, and floaters and assists......Good plays....but would not be that hot all the time. Pram is leaving for australia and i guess the paint will be in trouble. We need some reinforcements inside. I guess that would be the biggest problem in my basketball games now. I submitted my Adidas vacuum cleaner project finally....but there are still a few more projects to be submitted one by one. So....i am going to finish them one by one soon....I visited woodlands, accompanied rui xuan in the library....Had chinese new year dinner and stuff. Holiday mood is here. But i am must not let loose my veins yet. Year 3 will come sooner than I think. So is the future world. The future is now, man. That is my philosophy

I played ball games this evening. My team with dennis and me almost beat the stronger opponents lead by Tuan. I scored open shots and 2 beautiful floaters, but i missed the shot which was open and right under the hoop....and i was open. That could be the game ending shot, well, i missed consecutively.....again .....twice.....so i actually missed 3 game ending shot.....Too bad for me. It could be a "career" night.....but it became the worst night. I just felt bad and disgusted. Too bad for me again. This is really shocking. Well, i believe all i can do is grab the chance in the games later. That is my philosophy