Its been a ordinary week, ......home, school, restarted balling with pram's second return. However Kurt is not back yet....., Basketball is not my game, I have been trying for some years, just 3 years. Did well for my size but it is not my game.....It....is closing in.......to the end of this year, 2009. I am not ready to be older yet. I am looking more like 17. My counselor was away and will be back in december, my sessions with her will end very soon as soon as i am "improved". Sometimes the image of death came back to me when i sleep, it is still there......It would never be gone. I am still escaping in my dreams......The everlasting escape, not sweet. The rain on this island has been pouring down recently, daily......making the sun feels rather sad. I remembered having good time with fellow suzhou folks 2 weeks ago........It let me understand my people. Well, I got to ball today with pram, there would not be much chance anyway, got to honour it. I can almost see the end of this week again......Time is driving......and I might be still sleeping when its time. Perhaps, sometimes, you really need to hold on to something, else......you drift along with the waves......That is my philosophy