I would start by saying what i said on Sina's "tweeter" thing. Its another day, waiting in a ditch that i am planning to get out. We waited in our very own ditches and we all worried......but not everyone will walk out of it.....thats why u dont see everybody at the end of the field. .....I guess thats another sequel to my "waiting and walking" theory of life. Waiting in a ditch and walking out of it. And finally at the end.....There would be no need for ditches and of course, thats when you passed the last ditch in life, you "sublimate in your fox hole.......and you belong to nature again.......There goes the cycle.....there goes you. But now....concentrate on your current ditch please, don't think of the next when you have not walk out of this one. That is my philosophy

I'm telling you......Everything....has gone quiet.....lately..... Quiet as it is.....well, I hid those memories back into the shadows.....I throw those acessories....deep into the land of nowhere....and I wait upon the gleam of the next light......I put myself to sleep at last...for it is quiet now..........I whisper to myself and my blanket........its over now........Yes, long over it has been.......No more yesterday......Only today.......and the next light....Behold....as I lift my face up from the darkness........It would never be familiar to the world anymore......That is my philosophy

The way to getting what you really want, is about remembering. Do you remember? Once you get the right things going and knowing it is the path to the final destination.....you have to do it, besides the basic needs, eating and sleeping, you got to keep doing it.....moving, and say no to temptation......and you consolidate your spirit...... keep saying no to temptations and keep focusing.....everytime you do that, you are one more step closer to the impenetrable fortress which you will be...... Every human, who accomplished certain objectives.....always have their cause in mind..... kings...lords.... reminded themselves in different ways... asked people to shout at them everyday, living in bad conditions, held hazards above their heads......anything that is effective......or they can think of ......just to remind themselves....what are they here for......why are they here......Trust me......Sometimes it might not be that painful to live up to those standards.........And when you did it....... you would have all the worlds' confidence to stand up and claim it.........and when someone said that you aren't good.....at least you have a reason to shed tears......you have no shame. Only honour, awaits you........That is my philosophy

I have been liking the afternoons for the first 2 decades of my life.......because I enjoy the sunset........the smooth ray shining back to the edge of the Earth. I have never like the mornings but now,...after my early awakenings....these days....morning beams....seems to be a warming energy for me. Sense of a new begining. But, when you are not ready for it, it could be a touch of medicating light... I always thought, when i was still sleeping till the afternoons....I thought the day might pass slower if I could wake up early, well, I thought......the day could be equally timeless........Just the change of the contrast around you....................glowing, fading......They are the remedies to your mind........I don't know if this senses my returning back to normal, after my long vacation of sleeping into the days.......In fact, it is really a very long time since I am be able to wake up at sunrise... It felt strange.....The nights of working and walking could be over......or i should say ......are over.....Back to the light.....Will not fall back into the darkness...not now. That is my philosophy

Seriously, pictures are harder to find or produce, I have not transfer my old data here yet. To give credit to the photographer who shot this, I have to give an extra comment here.....Wonderful. I have been searching, wondering for myself.....what kind of a style am i , what kind of style my thoughts reflect, those visions, the images....the moves. I wonder how i could put them into words........and hence again, I proved that the words out of my mouth are formed from pictures. You have to see it to understand, see it to believe. Well, I would now describe my style of .....arts or philosophy to be rather pale from the colour......silent......with a little bit of instrumental melody in the background. It is a combination and also contrast between idealism and realism....playing back and forth.....while laying them on a romantic surface cast from the element of fantasy and charm.........while could be rather abstract filling with deep passion. So, what the hell is that. I mean after piles of explanations......I guess...wait till you see it, then you might know. For now, it could just mean emptiness. Well, the image formed in my mind could be..." you hold the ground.....touches the grass......you felt its swiftness as the wind brushes in and out... everything is grey...time is slowly following....you look up and see the world is splitted into the greyish green and white, time changes back to normal as a distant man knocks straight down while a shot is being sound. Again, you have to see it, imagine it. When you starts to hear the sounds in the silence......or feel the touch when feeling numb. You started to see beyond the bracket of your eyes......You won't need to open to vision, not anymore. That is my philosophy

In fact, i don't know, I guess i have some sleeping disorder but not in the bad way this time. Well, people seemed to be, not believing the existence of me.....my existence. Some said, I walked out from the books.......some said....they believe that I am built for a special purpose.......Well.....looks like people have chosen their belief.....that someone like me.......is very unreal. I don't exist........but....I am still here, i mean, at least i am still a living person, it is in my time..... Some people mentioned to me that I am always spotted among humans........but i always wonder, i thought i was always neglected in the past. If i could be found in one look, why would people not see me.............I guess it is believing.......Only those who believes......will see. Don't try to find me in there, I am not in that photo, pardon me. When the days......of me.....go passing down the shaded corridor.......It is no longer important to a dead man, neither it is to a living one now. Hence makes not much difference, isn't it. We live in our time, we perish at the end, and if ourselves do not believe that we exist, no one will come to read our story book. That belief......is soul. That is my philosophy

Again, has ended. Again, I have waited so long for this post. Yes....Like i said, "Again, has ended", it is an everyday thing ,which we face.....everyday. Unit 10, the graduation show as ended, and i just attended on the first day. Well, not much people went to see what is on our panel, in an exhibition hall which is not very convenient to them. So, I stayed home. I have 2 months to my graduation day in May. After that would be the national service as a recruit. I have some time to spare, and I guess i would do some planning on it. Vanessa. I am trying to get to reach you. Besides that, I am resting for the day. Again, has just ended, and what is next. Next, will be here. That is my philosophy

It will be months or years before I could return on a flight to see this cat, not really my friend, it is not familiar with me, bloody turkish cat, white with 2 black spots on its head....Well, talking about my final presentation, I did it. It was a pass that I saw on the result email that night. Basically it is done. Now left the graduation show for 2010, and our preparation of course, quite troublesome i felt, i guess i got some tasks to do for my portfolio. But again, My life in this Polytechnic is almost done, yes indeed, I got to solve my problems on repeating that 3d modelling module which would take another 4 months more, well, school fee is the issue here. Not going to pay thousands for a module which I never get informed for my absence. Well, the first part is my responsibility but by right, the part timer should be the second part.......Besides that, I got to be a runner for my mom's tax paying thing, really....damned......I mean, it is something for you to be worried of.......and I never like that, I know there would be more, but I hate problems that deal with tax......and waiting....while rushing for time. The school's side is more under control, at least would not get anyone into jail. The final moments of my final project came so fast and so.....done. Sometimes you are waiting for the end to happen so that your long waited happiness might come, even when it is temporary.......but it fly by, your face went blank, just like a plane across your face, you never saw it coming, then you got ready as the shadow came pressing towards you, and again, in a split moment, face to face, next slide, next scene, it is gone...........leaving you staring and moving on. The lunar new year holidays were filled with tons of food.....and plenty of rests at home........Same for me, beside the protein and calcium.....I found more R&Bs, old.....smoothies.....and new cheesy cakes.......Well, similarly from my counsilor, she asked, "What 's next?". It would be easier to solve your current issues, but you comes to the "what's next" question, you stumbled, and you waited, for you own mind to find a reply or answer, most of the time, you could not, all would be predictions and they would not be proven till that plane came flying down again. When it comes, you would not need to wait, when it came, it will be over..........Just like those lines...."It's all over". I am not the keeper of time........I am just a watchman..........."What's next?" That is my philosophy

Have you ever heard of...the story of Anakin Skywalker?.....from Star Wars of course. In fact....little ziwei wants to be strong......but he could not. He has his limitations, in fact very limited in certain ways..........Is it worth it? to forfeit years or decades, for something that again, might not be what he wants............Little ziwei is weak, he can never be strong in certain ways......He is condemned......Even he talked about the great wall that everyone should be building.....all great walls will fall.....eventually....and till the day that it could not be rebuild again, it will be left that way......never rise again.....fallen......Maybe it could be better for little ziwei to lead a happier life as an ordinary arts-related worker, museum career perhaps.....but will that come to the same question.......are you really that talented? and you are unproven? Isn't it? You always talked about the talents you have......Indeed, an easier life and more ordinary one could give you more stable days............but again, you know it......every eyes from them, every breath they took........you smell it in the air, you feel it......you can see it.........they dispise you......they could not wait to get rid of you.......Yes....And you became angry....Little ziwei is very angry....indeed.....but due to the born limitations, there is only one way out....One way out. Achieve it, and you will be fearless...you can crush them under your feet........conquer, overwhelm, they will not able to look at you with their eyes anyone, because none will be able to see...........Little ziwei is angry, and the only way .....is the same answer again......that way.....through years ......it will be fulfilled. But all .....will be for one single causely, to ease a frightened heart.........a heart of an weakling once. Deep inside, a young boy.... will turn into......the black knight....the dark prince......The eyes which once contain the world......shall filled with burning flames from hatred and anger, poisoned by his fear. Then, it will not be the world you will see from his eyes.....it will be hatred for the world instead... The One hero is always a thought away from being the the One villan. All you need to take......is a bit of impulse, and it will be done...........maybe a bit more determination, it will do. The world might not really burn .......but the villan would definitely be fighting against his own heart, and the things he once loved........It has always been a heart battle and it is a hard battle. One could answer or dispose his destiny.............but once he believes that the experience now is a pathway to his future, and he is different from the rest since he will become what others could never become............if he starts believing in it............, he might have no way back............it is a long way there.........but there will be no way back............He will find his destiny, he will be his destiny. That is my philosophy

Indeed......I am back to my bed. Sleeping through.......2 weeks, I got 2 weeks left for my final project and I know i am going to get it, nothing but victory. The last thing I wanna do is to leave this school as a total underdog. I am already one, I got nothing to lose. And indeed, again, the days before yesterday was fabulous. It feels brand new.......not like my usual lifestyle. I still remembered my past, my life as real a real underdog, misunderstood, accused, neglected, ostracized.......I have come a long way, true evolution in the making and i am pretty sure that this evolution is going to be even more amazing in the future, instant or distant, it is going to be revolutionary for me. A friend of my mom tell me that it is part of success, the road you take is different because you are going to be what they can never be. Indeed again.......I trusted myself....maybe for one of the few times, i trust myself for my uniqueness and what i am capable of doing including my talent, character or my......luck. Every time i did something, i accomplished something or I failed once again....I will look back....yes i look right back. I always look back, and that is the reason why I never forget. I always remember how things were like, and I never turned into darkness......Because it is what I am. I will die being what is good. And when my kind slowly dies out(maybe i am the only one left for my kind), I don't really care if there is no me in this world.......it is just part of evolution. Strongest survive.....not the good. Especially the weaker ones. It is not a sad story because I always tried to view logically and obey the universe, obey the way of the universal rule. Though i would not truly lie dead but I would not defy much. Maybe it is true that jewel would shine no matter what, It is still too early to say. I am still escaping from certain things somehow.....some feelings....some responsibility that i should take, now or future. I know my problems, i know I have to fix them soon. And I know the next great depression for me would not be too far away, and i just got out from one, i am not afraid to end up in another hole. Life is about walking and waiting, that is what i said once, now i say life is walking out of holes, into other holes, waiting in them and then walking out again. That is my philosophy

Well, everytime i think of my blog, i have the fear to write on it......I guess it could be laziness, or it might be the fear to record about me, again. Time has passed since my last post in november. This is January, 2010, twenty ten now. In fact almost 20 days into 2010, I felt absolutely fine so far, I returned to Nanjing , Suzhou and visited Shanghai again in december , for 2 weeks I rested myself since october, I am back to Singapore very soon and I am closing in for my Final project, matters are not surrounding the Graduation Show , they called it the Unit 10 for this year, and this time, the theme will be " Black Market", Indeed, everything black, including my outfit for the graduation booklet. 3 years has passed since my admission into design school of NYP, I am now on my way to the exit, i am almost done with it. Just a few more things to do while i get myself prepared for the 2 years national service in the army or maybe some other units. While i was in Nanjing, i spent a day with a friend, there is less relatives to see this time, in fact, more rests and attending some lessons and mini concert from the students taught by my mother. I did some work for my SZ friend here in Singapore, and i actually learnt something from them, in fact, testing my skills and talent in different areas, and the results turned out to be quite positive. I came back from home just few hours ago, a SZ web mate graduated from Australia and stopping by Singapore, I am giving a tour and I found changes within Singapore, I guess i hid myself at too much, maybe. When I got back to Singapore, before my major skin problem come, i noticed my fair skin has retained from the winter of NJ, but changes are done.......scars and use of medicine has caused the fairness to produce a dark atmosphere. I got myself a cheap new laptop but i didnt forget about the old desktop, despite the fact that it always fails, it has been my best partner for the past 7 years. It would not be discarded, for now at least. During my stay in NJ, i had several dinners with different friends of my mom, and i met someone new, someone working in the arts area, but not the usual kind. After talking and sharing thoughts with him, my mom rethink about the idea of choosing my future career, and i did too. The safer way is always some career related to arts management, something that i can use my talent and not the usual job for arts. There is an unsafe path to consider, it is , infact, most uncertain among many jobs. That is director, movie director actually, thats the goal, that came into my consideration for now, it could happen, but this is yet to be the time to decide, give me sometime, maybe a year or so as my army life goes on. But no matter being a director or not, i am giving myself 10 years. 10 years to sharpen up and it will be time to enter the society officially. If I were to take director as my future, 20 years i say, 20 years would be the time i am on my own stage. After that, it would be unknown again, for now. I dealt with my mental and psychological questions and i am officially terminated from the counseling sessions. The counselor is surprised and praised me for the good work. I might take the challenge of director, I am not a risk-taking person, I love lifestyles of certainty but this might be the greatest risk i am taking for the past 2 decades and it will definitely change my life, forever. At the boundary of change, I am again, a changed person with fresh minds for another new life. It is going to get more uncertain as it goes. I am sure of it. I could not escape my destiny, even when my personal idea is very passive, i got to live my current life and find my destiny, 何为宿命，归宿与命运, thats my chinese explanation for destiny. Destiny = end result of fate. Indeed thats what the chinese meaning is. I told myself, i wanted to die, but i always could not find the best way, now i found it, thats to die slowly, which is choosing a difficult path for my future. Just like a cup of wine, alchohol is my most disliked beverage but i gulped it down at once, I drinked it because i dislike it. I can do it for wine, why couldn't do something like that for a career which i might like and uses my talents. And if I do succeed, i get the big apple for sure. It is worth risking for a man who does not care about much, it is simply mad, for some, yes. You can either rot because the end will come or you can do whatever things you are capable of before the end comes. That is my philosophy