ZKW

2010-04-26T06:58:00.002+08:00

I would start by saying what i said on Sina's "tweeter" thing. Its another day, waiting in a ditch that i am planning to get out. We waited in our very own ditches and we all worried......but not everyone will walk out of it.....thats why u dont see everybody at the end of the field. .....I guess thats another sequel to my "waiting and walking" theory of life. Waiting in a ditch and walking out of it. And finally at the end.....There would be no need for ditches and of course, thats when you passed the last ditch in life, you "sublimate in your fox hole.......and you belong to nature again.......There goes the cycle.....there goes you. But now....concentrate on your current ditch please, don't think of the next when you have not walk out of this one. That is my philosophy

2010-04-15T03:30:00.002+08:00

I'm telling you......Everything....has gone quiet.....lately..... Quiet as it is.....well, I hid those memories back into the shadows.....I throw those acessories....deep into the land of nowhere....and I wait upon the gleam of the next light......I put myself to sleep at last...for it is quiet now..........I whisper to myself and my blanket........its over now........Yes, long over it has been.......No more yesterday......Only today.......and the next light....Behold....as I lift my face up from the darkness........It would never be familiar to the world anymore......That is my philosophy

2010-04-04T14:15:00.002+08:00

The way to getting what you really want, is about remembering. Do you remember? Once you get the right things going and knowing it is the path to the final destination.....you have to do it, besides the basic needs, eating and sleeping, you got to keep doing it.....moving, and say no to temptation......and you consolidate your spirit...... keep saying no to temptations and keep focusing.....everytime you do that, you are one more step closer to the impenetrable fortress which you will be...... Every human, who accomplished certain objectives.....always have their cause in mind..... kings...lords.... reminded themselves in different ways... asked people to shout at them everyday, living in bad conditions, held hazards above their heads......anything that is effective......or they can think of ......just to remind themselves....what are they here for......why are they here......Trust me......Sometimes it might not be that painful to live up to those standards.........And when you did it....... you would have all the worlds' confidence to stand up and claim it.........and when someone said that you aren't good.....at least you have a reason to shed tears......you have no shame. Only honour, awaits you........That is my philosophy

2010-04-01T10:30:00.002+08:00

I have been liking the afternoons for the first 2 decades of my life.......because I enjoy the sunset........the smooth ray shining back to the edge of the Earth. I have never like the mornings but now,...after my early awakenings....these days....morning beams....seems to be a warming energy for me. Sense of a new begining. But, when you are not ready for it, it could be a touch of medicating light... I always thought, when i was still sleeping till the afternoons....I thought the day might pass slower if I could wake up early, well, I thought......the day could be equally timeless........Just the change of the contrast around you....................glowing, fading......They are the remedies to your mind........I don't know if this senses my returning back to normal, after my long vacation of sleeping into the days.......In fact, it is really a very long time since I am be able to wake up at sunrise... It felt strange.....The nights of working and walking could be over......or i should say ......are over.....Back to the light.....Will not fall back into the darkness...not now. That is my philosophy

2010-03-27T02:15:00.002+08:00

Seriously, pictures are harder to find or produce, I have not transfer my old data here yet. To give credit to the photographer who shot this, I have to give an extra comment here.....Wonderful. I have been searching, wondering for myself.....what kind of a style am i , what kind of style my thoughts reflect, those visions, the images....the moves. I wonder how i could put them into words........and hence again, I proved that the words out of my mouth are formed from pictures. You have to see it to understand, see it to believe. Well, I would now describe my style of .....arts or philosophy to be rather pale from the colour......silent......with a little bit of instrumental melody in the background. It is a combination and also contrast between idealism and realism....playing back and forth.....while laying them on a romantic surface cast from the element of fantasy and charm.........while could be rather abstract filling with deep passion. So, what the hell is that. I mean after piles of explanations......I guess...wait till you see it, then you might know. For now, it could just mean emptiness. Well, the image formed in my mind could be..." you hold the ground.....touches the grass......you felt its swiftness as the wind brushes in and out... everything is grey...time is slowly following....you look up and see the world is splitted into the greyish green and white, time changes back to normal as a distant man knocks straight down while a shot is being sound. Again, you have to see it, imagine it. When you starts to hear the sounds in the silence......or feel the touch when feeling numb. You started to see beyond the bracket of your eyes......You won't need to open to vision, not anymore. That is my philosophy

2010-03-26T05:47:00.002+08:00

In fact, i don't know, I guess i have some sleeping disorder but not in the bad way this time. Well, people seemed to be, not believing the existence of me.....my existence. Some said, I walked out from the books.......some said....they believe that I am built for a special purpose.......Well.....looks like people have chosen their belief.....that someone like me.......is very unreal. I don't exist........but....I am still here, i mean, at least i am still a living person, it is in my time..... Some people mentioned to me that I am always spotted among humans........but i always wonder, i thought i was always neglected in the past. If i could be found in one look, why would people not see me.............I guess it is believing.......Only those who believes......will see. Don't try to find me in there, I am not in that photo, pardon me. When the days......of me.....go passing down the shaded corridor.......It is no longer important to a dead man, neither it is to a living one now. Hence makes not much difference, isn't it. We live in our time, we perish at the end, and if ourselves do not believe that we exist, no one will come to read our story book. That belief......is soul. That is my philosophy

2010-03-13T23:47:00.002+08:00

Again, has ended. Again, I have waited so long for this post. Yes....Like i said, "Again, has ended", it is an everyday thing ,which we face.....everyday. Unit 10, the graduation show as ended, and i just attended on the first day. Well, not much people went to see what is on our panel, in an exhibition hall which is not very convenient to them. So, I stayed home. I have 2 months to my graduation day in May. After that would be the national service as a recruit. I have some time to spare, and I guess i would do some planning on it. Vanessa. I am trying to get to reach you. Besides that, I am resting for the day. Again, has just ended, and what is next. Next, will be here. That is my philosophy

2010-02-17T08:50:00.002+08:00

It will be months or years before I could return on a flight to see this cat, not really my friend, it is not familiar with me, bloody turkish cat, white with 2 black spots on its head....Well, talking about my final presentation, I did it. It was a pass that I saw on the result email that night. Basically it is done. Now left the graduation show for 2010, and our preparation of course, quite troublesome i felt, i guess i got some tasks to do for my portfolio. But again, My life in this Polytechnic is almost done, yes indeed, I got to solve my problems on repeating that 3d modelling module which would take another 4 months more, well, school fee is the issue here. Not going to pay thousands for a module which I never get informed for my absence. Well, the first part is my responsibility but by right, the part timer should be the second part.......Besides that, I got to be a runner for my mom's tax paying thing, really....damned......I mean, it is something for you to be worried of.......and I never like that, I know there would be more, but I hate problems that deal with tax......and waiting....while rushing for time. The school's side is more under control, at least would not get anyone into jail. The final moments of my final project came so fast and so.....done. Sometimes you are waiting for the end to happen so that your long waited happiness might come, even when it is temporary.......but it fly by, your face went blank, just like a plane across your face, you never saw it coming, then you got ready as the shadow came pressing towards you, and again, in a split moment, face to face, next slide, next scene, it is gone...........leaving you staring and moving on. The lunar new year holidays were filled with tons of food.....and plenty of rests at home........Same for me, beside the protein and calcium.....I found more R&Bs, old.....smoothies.....and new cheesy cakes.......Well, similarly from my counsilor, she asked, "What 's next?". It would be easier to solve your current issues, but you comes to the "what's next" question, you stumbled, and you waited, for you own mind to find a reply or answer, most of the time, you could not, all would be predictions and they would not be proven till that plane came flying down again. When it comes, you would not need to wait, when it came, it will be over..........Just like those lines...."It's all over". I am not the keeper of time........I am just a watchman..........."What's next?" That is my philosophy

2010-02-02T04:07:00.002+08:00

Have you ever heard of...the story of Anakin Skywalker?.....from Star Wars of course. In fact....little ziwei wants to be strong......but he could not. He has his limitations, in fact very limited in certain ways..........Is it worth it? to forfeit years or decades, for something that again, might not be what he wants............Little ziwei is weak, he can never be strong in certain ways......He is condemned......Even he talked about the great wall that everyone should be building.....all great walls will fall.....eventually....and till the day that it could not be rebuild again, it will be left that way......never rise again.....fallen......Maybe it could be better for little ziwei to lead a happier life as an ordinary arts-related worker, museum career perhaps.....but will that come to the same question.......are you really that talented? and you are unproven? Isn't it? You always talked about the talents you have......Indeed, an easier life and more ordinary one could give you more stable days............but again, you know it......every eyes from them, every breath they took........you smell it in the air, you feel it......you can see it.........they dispise you......they could not wait to get rid of you.......Yes....And you became angry....Little ziwei is very angry....indeed.....but due to the born limitations, there is only one way out....One way out. Achieve it, and you will be fearless...you can crush them under your feet........conquer, overwhelm, they will not able to look at you with their eyes anyone, because none will be able to see...........Little ziwei is angry, and the only way .....is the same answer again......that way.....through years ......it will be fulfilled. But all .....will be for one single causely, to ease a frightened heart.........a heart of an weakling once. Deep inside, a young boy.... will turn into......the black knight....the dark prince......The eyes which once contain the world......shall filled with burning flames from hatred and anger, poisoned by his fear. Then, it will not be the world you will see from his eyes.....it will be hatred for the world instead... The One hero is always a thought away from being the the One villan. All you need to take......is a bit of impulse, and it will be done...........maybe a bit more determination, it will do. The world might not really burn .......but the villan would definitely be fighting against his own heart, and the things he once loved........It has always been a heart battle and it is a hard battle. One could answer or dispose his destiny.............but once he believes that the experience now is a pathway to his future, and he is different from the rest since he will become what others could never become............if he starts believing in it............, he might have no way back............it is a long way there.........but there will be no way back............He will find his destiny, he will be his destiny. That is my philosophy

2010-01-21T23:29:00.003+08:00

Indeed......I am back to my bed. Sleeping through.......2 weeks, I got 2 weeks left for my final project and I know i am going to get it, nothing but victory. The last thing I wanna do is to leave this school as a total underdog. I am already one, I got nothing to lose. And indeed, again, the days before yesterday was fabulous. It feels brand new.......not like my usual lifestyle. I still remembered my past, my life as real a real underdog, misunderstood, accused, neglected, ostracized.......I have come a long way, true evolution in the making and i am pretty sure that this evolution is going to be even more amazing in the future, instant or distant, it is going to be revolutionary for me. A friend of my mom tell me that it is part of success, the road you take is different because you are going to be what they can never be. Indeed again.......I trusted myself....maybe for one of the few times, i trust myself for my uniqueness and what i am capable of doing including my talent, character or my......luck. Every time i did something, i accomplished something or I failed once again....I will look back....yes i look right back. I always look back, and that is the reason why I never forget. I always remember how things were like, and I never turned into darkness......Because it is what I am. I will die being what is good. And when my kind slowly dies out(maybe i am the only one left for my kind), I don't really care if there is no me in this world.......it is just part of evolution. Strongest survive.....not the good. Especially the weaker ones. It is not a sad story because I always tried to view logically and obey the universe, obey the way of the universal rule. Though i would not truly lie dead but I would not defy much. Maybe it is true that jewel would shine no matter what, It is still too early to say. I am still escaping from certain things somehow.....some feelings....some responsibility that i should take, now or future. I know my problems, i know I have to fix them soon. And I know the next great depression for me would not be too far away, and i just got out from one, i am not afraid to end up in another hole. Life is about walking and waiting, that is what i said once, now i say life is walking out of holes, into other holes, waiting in them and then walking out again. That is my philosophy

2010-01-18T03:19:00.002+08:00

Well, everytime i think of my blog, i have the fear to write on it......I guess it could be laziness, or it might be the fear to record about me, again. Time has passed since my last post in november. This is January, 2010, twenty ten now. In fact almost 20 days into 2010, I felt absolutely fine so far, I returned to Nanjing , Suzhou and visited Shanghai again in december , for 2 weeks I rested myself since october, I am back to Singapore very soon and I am closing in for my Final project, matters are not surrounding the Graduation Show , they called it the Unit 10 for this year, and this time, the theme will be " Black Market", Indeed, everything black, including my outfit for the graduation booklet. 3 years has passed since my admission into design school of NYP, I am now on my way to the exit, i am almost done with it. Just a few more things to do while i get myself prepared for the 2 years national service in the army or maybe some other units. While i was in Nanjing, i spent a day with a friend, there is less relatives to see this time, in fact, more rests and attending some lessons and mini concert from the students taught by my mother. I did some work for my SZ friend here in Singapore, and i actually learnt something from them, in fact, testing my skills and talent in different areas, and the results turned out to be quite positive. I came back from home just few hours ago, a SZ web mate graduated from Australia and stopping by Singapore, I am giving a tour and I found changes within Singapore, I guess i hid myself at too much, maybe. When I got back to Singapore, before my major skin problem come, i noticed my fair skin has retained from the winter of NJ, but changes are done.......scars and use of medicine has caused the fairness to produce a dark atmosphere. I got myself a cheap new laptop but i didnt forget about the old desktop, despite the fact that it always fails, it has been my best partner for the past 7 years. It would not be discarded, for now at least. During my stay in NJ, i had several dinners with different friends of my mom, and i met someone new, someone working in the arts area, but not the usual kind. After talking and sharing thoughts with him, my mom rethink about the idea of choosing my future career, and i did too. The safer way is always some career related to arts management, something that i can use my talent and not the usual job for arts. There is an unsafe path to consider, it is , infact, most uncertain among many jobs. That is director, movie director actually, thats the goal, that came into my consideration for now, it could happen, but this is yet to be the time to decide, give me sometime, maybe a year or so as my army life goes on. But no matter being a director or not, i am giving myself 10 years. 10 years to sharpen up and it will be time to enter the society officially. If I were to take director as my future, 20 years i say, 20 years would be the time i am on my own stage. After that, it would be unknown again, for now. I dealt with my mental and psychological questions and i am officially terminated from the counseling sessions. The counselor is surprised and praised me for the good work. I might take the challenge of director, I am not a risk-taking person, I love lifestyles of certainty but this might be the greatest risk i am taking for the past 2 decades and it will definitely change my life, forever. At the boundary of change, I am again, a changed person with fresh minds for another new life. It is going to get more uncertain as it goes. I am sure of it. I could not escape my destiny, even when my personal idea is very passive, i got to live my current life and find my destiny, 何为宿命，归宿与命运, thats my chinese explanation for destiny. Destiny = end result of fate. Indeed thats what the chinese meaning is. I told myself, i wanted to die, but i always could not find the best way, now i found it, thats to die slowly, which is choosing a difficult path for my future. Just like a cup of wine, alchohol is my most disliked beverage but i gulped it down at once, I drinked it because i dislike it. I can do it for wine, why couldn't do something like that for a career which i might like and uses my talents. And if I do succeed, i get the big apple for sure. It is worth risking for a man who does not care about much, it is simply mad, for some, yes. You can either rot because the end will come or you can do whatever things you are capable of before the end comes. That is my philosophy

2009-11-24T04:52:00.002+08:00

It is 5am now........I had a fine day......to school, back home.....had a nap and i went dinner at the Pizza hut with Felix......gave me a treat....Besides that, the laugh of the day would be the person approaching Felix for some star thing.......I opened my email today when i got home, and i am surprised to see mails.....20 of them.....all birthday wishes.....a few who do not really know me, a few more classmates and acquaintences.......I appreciate those wishes on facebook no matter what.....they had it in mind.....Got to thank them..... Well, I suddenly felt drifted from my final project....it has been quiet, indeed, but the VI is not, it is ending next week and this week would be the deciding week......and the other group leader will not be here till thursday......I got to give some call for decisions......So far, i just need to get my sleeping time straight....besides that....care less of any other.......just focus...on sleeping.....of course.....and do not forget about the training......I got way more to go...... I put on masks to be cool and plain.....to hide the change on my face.......The one who know that some sudden fear would attack them, might be living in fear all night long........so that, hopefully, there would be no fear when things start to appear.....camouflaging....getting used to........and then we will all get what we call......peace. That is my philosophy

2009-11-23T01:26:00.002+08:00

Today, indeed.......It is my birthday, birth time in 2 hours' time. Anyway, i am getting myself to sleep soon, i do not want to wake up regretting about sleeping late....so thats all folks. Well, this morning i played ball in Yishun, got myself taned.......actually more like the face is a little burnt....red....well, thats not important.......I helped a suzhou friend on her Management work, looks like i am pretty......not that bad......But i am rather nervous about the end result actually. Another monday starting tomorrow, not any different from previous weeks in this school....just without internet in school, all rights to access the web, this and that have been suspended, yes nice word to use, like some british officer.....SUSpended.......but actually, i do not have my own computer in school, so.....it does not matter to me.........i should enjoy the free time while it last.....in the studio.......more work will be coming as soon as this week ends......I received a couple of wishes on facebook from a couple of acquaintances...friends maybe, co-workers......around 5 in all......not that bad, i still people coming to me at least. Not as bad as I expect.....well........Although it is officially tomorrow but i think today is it, the real birthday, at this hour.....so i got to have a nice sleep to celebrate my 19th year on this planet. Life is being a little peaceful these few weeks, i wonder if it is a sign of some future disaster......yes i lost my phone a week ago, that is very frustrating....i would say stolen....yes. I lost my trust somehow....for Singapore after this.....It is not the clean Singapore i remembered years ago. Come on, Singapore is really clean comparing to the rest of the world.......so just feel good about it. Something reminded me of something......the dark reminded me of the death i once fear....always fear......and i cant wait for tomorrow,....because if tomorrow do not come, it will be the end for tonight. From time to time, i guess i am hiding my emotions about certain fear.....certain thoughts....certain expressions......Once i express them out, i am pretty impressed.......by how well i gush them out within..... a couple of minutes......of my time.......It is dark under the light. I am under the light. That is my philosophy

2009-11-18T13:35:00.001+08:00

Its been a ordinary week, ......home, school, restarted balling with pram's second return. However Kurt is not back yet....., Basketball is not my game, I have been trying for some years, just 3 years. Did well for my size but it is not my game.....It....is closing in.......to the end of this year, 2009. I am not ready to be older yet. I am looking more like 17. My counselor was away and will be back in december, my sessions with her will end very soon as soon as i am "improved". Sometimes the image of death came back to me when i sleep, it is still there......It would never be gone. I am still escaping in my dreams......The everlasting escape, not sweet. The rain on this island has been pouring down recently, daily......making the sun feels rather sad. I remembered having good time with fellow suzhou folks 2 weeks ago........It let me understand my people. Well, I got to ball today with pram, there would not be much chance anyway, got to honour it. I can almost see the end of this week again......Time is driving......and I might be still sleeping when its time. Perhaps, sometimes, you really need to hold on to something, else......you drift along with the waves......That is my philosophy

2009-11-06T14:28:00.002+08:00

I know, its been months.......quite some time before i get this posted. Few days ago, I tried to force myself to write something but i guess i have to leave it till i am more motivated......maybe today......My industrial attachment ended somewhere a month ago and I had another holiday being a lazy bum staying at home until i flew back to Nanjing then travelled between Suzhou and Nanjing, my mom 's home and my father's........Though the schedule is a little tight, I guess i did have some great time there. Revisited the Xuan Wu Lake in Nanjing, paddling the boat around.... enjoyed some sceneries....Well, the main objective for this return is basically because of my grandmothers, both maternal and paternal , since they are dying anytime, better return to see them before they are gone. The situation of them is quite similar but I guess they no longer know what is happening around them. Faster than said, I am back to Singapore a week later than the rest of the cohort, and I quickly suit back to the schedules and works to be done. The new home in Nanjing is splendid, really great, but it does feel a little cold though. I have not find out why but i guess it is just not something i am used to or familiar with......including the city and her people. I always find myself back to zero, always living as an underdog or rookie, back to the start..........always have to be confused a little.......cultural shock....yes, indeed. I have found out that my GPA has gone even lower last semester, well, I have no path to go but to get myself a victory at the end of this final project, I am going to do something for opera, music, design, I guess i am more familiar with that, i would want to make it a final comeback, its really victory or death, by the order of me..........However i would not panic, I will weigh it lighter in my mind, if not, emotional downfall might happen. Time after time, i remind myself to be strong.....and stronger... all aspects......I tried and trying......Building a castle of you own, building your stronghold.......like I said.........build your own great wall..........of everlasting length. That is my philosophy

2009-08-11T09:52:00.000+08:00

If u are stuck between your world and the realistic, practical world, I would say, just do what u suppose to do. But what are we suppose to do? Pursue dreams? Do what we can to make us kings? Somehow, to say in a childish manner, the real success is not one person's success. It is the success of the world. Our world. Only when the world is happy, then there would be true happiness and harmony. However, again, we are back to seats facing the windows outside, you look at the streets, making yourself covered with gold or to survive the current situation seems to be the best option, can be a sky high task to people. Some people with the shortest way to achieve success or i should say close to success, did not do it. Human never do what is best, that is human, and that is very normal. So what is normal, normal means imperfection. Of course, nothing can be perfect, So there can be no true success for the world. It would never come. You should stick to your old plan to get a life and somehow, u can live a better life, comfortably while u watch the rest swimming in the storm. Bloody truth of life. So get your life. Once done, you are done, finally. That is my philosophy

2009-07-31T10:16:00.002+08:00

We are all praying mantis. Mentor's students are called mantis, so i call it praying mantis since we do pray to mentors. It has been relaxing but i am still tired going to school. Well sitting in front of the computer do make human tired. The meer existence of it. Ah, i made a joke out of my cousin's job application form. View below.

2009-07-29T09:38:00.001+08:00

Colour Fool. Today a classmate of mine, came up with this name, Because I rolled and rubbed against the walls on my way. Colourful walls, Colour Fool me. There is the colour, I am the fool. I thought of a good idea to make a comedy, maybe roll on different surface or texture of the walls, glass, carpet, any surface. Then make into a video, perhaps it could work(make people laugh). I can imagine crowds of people paying for this kind of concert, watching someone rubbing and rolling the walls on stage, watching youtube videos or visiting the official website of wall rolling action. That would be fun. I am sure that people would say it is stupid but I think it is pretty nice to do(roll). I guess i am not the only one who can think of such way to create fun. It is what I call new way of fun. Rolling on grass patch is long gone, here comes the wall rolling band of brothers, and sisters. My eldest cousin's mom, my aunt came for his graduation ceremony on tuesday, took some pictures there in NTU. Now i am back in the studio with some deadlines to work towards......actually quite confused on whats going on......months.....past....and still on concepts. It is a wonder to watch the season change, tropical citizens are unable to see that all the time. Colour Fool, rolling from spring to winter, that could be my style eh, the fool's style. My aunt always say good stuff about me, that might be a little more confident boosting, but, you know......at least for now......I am a hobbit. That is my philosophy

2009-07-21T11:14:00.002+08:00

Central Fire Station. Outside FuNan IT Mall, i took this yesterday. Being a spy, ninja, shinobi, i took photos of thumb drive displays and then I bought some items for myself, a replacement for my badly torn canvas shoe, a new basketball shoe, 2 polo t shirts and a replacement for my torn jean. I got myself a hard drive at Sim Lim Square during my research tour. The world has changed......, bugis area is another world. There are more chinese nationals than ever, 1 out of every few shops has a counter at the entrance of the shop, with a chinese young woman sitting there, like a sign board, a new culture here indeed. I guess i spent quite alot yesterday. This coming saturday, i have an appointment for my finger, middle finger of my right hand has suffered a "thick skin" syndrome. It bled the past few times when i play basketball. It is time to remove it, with electricity i heard. Got to watch my spending for now. My skin condition always fluctuates, it gets better these days, but i got to watch it before it deterioriates again. I hope it would stay the same when its good or at least better. Just another day in the studio, with the progress going forward. Attachment is really relaxing this far. It is like half holiday. Lunch time is here...... My next counseling session is next week, the last one was 2 weeks ago. I started to think whether if the counselor has problems or no more ways to due with me, because i believe its a "self-changing" thing. If so, it is already done, anyday or......nothing could be done. So......hence, the best way is to reach "Nirvana". That is my philosophy

2009-07-13T13:43:00.004+08:00

Attachment in school, all the same. I am staying in design studio all day. Today or these 2 days might be a little bit more busy. Cousin is back home for weeks, finding a job after his graduation. Mom is still in Nanjing, and her CPF is another troublesome work for me to deal with. My year in polytehnic, i mean the last year, is coming to the end really soon, maybe in 3/4 of a year's time. I will get into army soon. Although i know that i will have my "status" downgraded, and got into some light work unit after basic training which will be also lighter, I got to get trained up somehow. Well well, Life is going on, watch out, do not lose yourself in the crowd. I have been seeing a counselor for sometime, a month already, around 4 sessions. Finding out more about myself, the twisted world, most importantly, what kind of heart to face the world. The problems are there, deep, very deep, all the way to the roots, something that might be hard. You cannot change the world, you might be able to do a little change to yourself, but sometimes, it is just that hard and useless even if you did that. Pram was back for 2 weeks, we got our basketballing on for 2 weeks and then he left for his school in Australia again. Ernest became an improved player finally after 2 years and start to see problems and work on them, although he still does not see some. Cannot help it. I got a noisy studio, it will be twice as noisy next semester when literally everyone is back from everything. Miraculously, both my grandmothers are still alive and they have come a long way since they were down. Extra attention has made them last longer than they supposed to, I am not sure if they will still be there when I return again the next time. Well well, everyday has been a long day. Sleeping through makes days quick, feeling through makes them slow. Somehow, the counselor asked, if i were this this this, what will happen?, man, one variation change a whole lot of story. Everything will be changed. You can never imagine that. I am a hobbit in a cloak. That is my philosophy

2009-06-08T10:07:00.002+08:00

Yes, yes yes. Time after time, we human take breaks from everything. When we are tired with one activity, we move on to the other, then vice versa. This has and will always be the case. My first term of year 3 is ending in 2 weeks' time, everyone in the studio have tons of work to complete, or maybe live through them. I am finding myself in ditches from time to time, unable to move on with gun shots suppressing on my head, when i move on finally, thinking that i make it through again, just like previous ones, i thought i could not make it, well....few more steps ahead, there is another gun post and then, ended up in another ditch i have. So problems.......is about staying in a ditch, a hole, a shelter, a cover, with suppressing fire on you. What is going to happen next, that can be decided by you. Hit? or run?, sometimes hit and run, sometimes run but will come back again. Some just keep hitting, suppressing the problematic gun fire. If that is the case, I bet the person has pretty good weapons. It is now, middle of 2009, one look back and one look ahead, I know what I suppose to do, and most importantly, do what I supposed to. I had a communication "knocked out" last week, both my internet and cellphone is gone. Phone is back, but internet is yet to be resolved. I guess i can rest a little as I continue to proceed to the next stage. Rest is very important, crucial and vital. Nothing goes on forever. Everything has a limited lifespan, and charging up is just to extend that little time to the fullest. I have been thinking about the soon to come chance, i know, people has been asking me too. Well, i will say it is a difficult thing to say, many would say that too, i have my own literatures and questions. But i am learning to be focus. Write a novel only after you have finished with your war experience, not during it, and definitely not before it. Change comes from time to time, a fresh way of living arrives everytime perhaps. That is also the time where you can finally move on to the next chapter when you are tired reading this one. Sometimes........you just need some movements to stimulate the change, they would not happen for you all the time, in fact, most needs you for the change to happen. May the change enlightens you. That is my philosophy

2009-02-24T02:44:00.002+08:00

Milky way....way up high.......if u see it in the more scientific and philosophic manner. The god....might be referring to something else....for example ourselves....we can only help ourselves, we pray to ourselves. Karma, it might not be referring to our previous lives , but our ancestors ....what they did will affect us now, well , actually , if u see the overall thing, whatever u do doesnt affect the overall thing. Hitler - what he did seem to be causing further hardship for the later german decades ago, but they strive through and prosperous again...it all go up and down , up and down so.........it doesnt matter. For anyone, anything....Now matters. Thats all. well. at the end, earth will be destroyed. It come to a stop....an end......and there will be a new begining. All process goes on and on.....in circles. It is said that the process never started......never ends. Its just like time. We are just some creature trying to live, thats all. Be kind to yourself, thats all, even theres no meaning..... find some meaning out of nothing, and live it, thats all we can do....as a human. We might not be able to find out things high up in the universe...but i disagree for those who said theres no answer, it may be equivalent to no answer for universe kind of question...but sometimes its something close...they are just lazy to question. But, anyway.......I am done for today.......Happy resting......happy living. For now......That is my philosophy

2009-02-16T14:40:00.004+08:00

Year 3 is coming very soon , but before that, it is my holiday.......But this semester has not yet ended....still a few crippy crappy things to be done, but basically the semester is done. Later i would go for a Rhinoceros mock test....3D modelling module u know. Life became easier again.....the previous days are a little tough....but soon, i shall see my last year in this polytechnic and it is really fast. National Service would soon arrive actually......Would not know where i am going or what i am going to do......I do not think i need to worry....i mean i do think alot about them but i guess people like me are planless because we messed up our own or change our plans at the end....... as well.....slowly decide or see.... see where I land myself in. Sometimes it really felt like parachuting from a plane......There are some factors that you can control....and some u cannot. That is my philosophy

2009-01-30T21:10:00.002+08:00

Today i put on a show, of 10/15 Field goals....around there. Shot after shot after shot....and couple of layups, and floaters and assists......Good plays....but would not be that hot all the time. Pram is leaving for australia and i guess the paint will be in trouble. We need some reinforcements inside. I guess that would be the biggest problem in my basketball games now. I submitted my Adidas vacuum cleaner project finally....but there are still a few more projects to be submitted one by one. So....i am going to finish them one by one soon....I visited woodlands, accompanied rui xuan in the library....Had chinese new year dinner and stuff. Holiday mood is here. But i am must not let loose my veins yet. Year 3 will come sooner than I think. So is the future world. The future is now, man. That is my philosophy

2009-01-21T23:36:00.002+08:00

I played ball games this evening. My team with dennis and me almost beat the stronger opponents lead by Tuan. I scored open shots and 2 beautiful floaters, but i missed the shot which was open and right under the hoop....and i was open. That could be the game ending shot, well, i missed consecutively.....again .....twice.....so i actually missed 3 game ending shot.....Too bad for me. It could be a "career" night.....but it became the worst night. I just felt bad and disgusted. Too bad for me again. This is really shocking. Well, i believe all i can do is grab the chance in the games later. That is my philosophy

2008-12-24T03:38:00.003+08:00

This post, i will list out some of my favourites, top few people or objects. First, for history, that must include politics. My favourite modern leader is Adolf Hitler, not about what he did , but what he was. An artist i should say, with great emotions. Great representative of the artists for a political leader. Well, during song dynasty , there is an emperor who was so great, he can be listed as top in his poems etc, but well he is simply a bad emperor. So, as long as it met my criteria, it is fine , even it is Hitler. Then, my favourite army commander shall be Sun zi. Of course, he is the author of the Art of War(Sun Zi Bing Fa). Warring state era did produce many great men, he is just one of the many. Okay, now it shall be arts' turn. My favourite artist, including musician etc. Well, i give credit to alot of people here. Beethoven, Chopin for the western classics, too bad chinese did not invent something like chords to pass down by records. Hence, many were lost through thousands of years. I like the true and pure kind of R&B by the blacks. Those are emotional and sexy, mind soothing. In term of visual arts, i simply do not like anyone or know enough. Now, for philosophers, well, i should say homer can be one of my favourites actually, his words gave me some inspirations. Confucius, i should say i would not put him in my favourites though, i like some other "guy", maybe one of his disciple. Meng zi, similar teachings but not exactly the same. Well, again, in fact, Buddhism can be my favourite finally, if u recognise it as a philosophy. So.....for the paranormal.....it is something new, i cannot find anyone fascinating enough for me to call him a master....so.....i leave it blank. For Basketball player, I would give credit again....too many players....good players but are role players. Shane Battier, Brent Barry, and people like Mumtombo, so loving and caring. Well, lets see, there are plenty of favourites left. My favourite actor shall be Will smith.....in fact, Jim Carey can be the second one. For chinese, i guess i have to put my number 1 on Jet Li, he is a philathropist now........Always doing his best. Sorry I do not have any actress to name. Asking bout movies or those, thats too many, but i should say i do like epic, war, emotional ones. Here, i will give one person a few favourite actually. Tang Bo Hu, a poor guy, poor life, lost almost everything, screwed up imperial exams. Jailed. Died early. Poet, artist, also a philosopher. In fact, very great to me. Although people might ask why he did not keep trying, and left himself to rot after a series of misfortunes. Well, i would say, he might be able to pull himself back but.....who knows what does those experiences felt like? lost your wife, lost your parents? jailed? The era he live in is also a distractive age. I know these can be excuses. But that is just what had already happened. Well, now. Recently i knew about mimosa, the plant that might help my skin and the sparrow which flew into my paternal grandfather's house before i was born. That sparrow made a nest on the balcony, those relatives said it must be a boy. Well, mimosa......little sparrow. In fact, both are little and .......very similar. Similar to one another and also to me. I will let them be my avatar then. Small but survived........the sparrow... that is what a friend said to me. Closed when touched......the mimosa....that is what i said.... Those are just what Zackwise is about. That is me...... That is my philosophy

2008-12-21T23:26:00.004+08:00

Conquer. Conquer...... 征服........征......服..... Expedition. Submission...........Expedition....for others' submission. That is what conquer mean in chinese(Hanyu). Alexander the Great went on an expedition to conquer everything he saw.......an expedtition that almost never ended.......An expedition to something that he was unsure of. Going all the way.......What is he searching for?.... Everlasting peace for macedon? Everlasting peace in his mind? or is it just a wild move. Head into a tunnel......so deep......all the way..........away from home..... Away from everything that recognise him. Something that is mend to be .....does not seem to be happening...Something that could happen, did not happen...... Having all the pieces.....but the puzzle is incomplete...... because of the unwillingness to put in the last piece......It is the only thing that separates victory from me. Know it. But never do it. I will conquer. Expedition starts. Where is the motivation? It actually lie within me. The blood. The talent. The character. Life in this world is a journey. Point in life is to find your point in "no point". I came and i will go. I will not live forever but i will be gone forever. If I dont prove What I am, I am as well never lived. Unleash the one, and i will be done. My life will be done.....That is my philosophy

2008-11-26T19:03:00.003+08:00

Well.....well....well. This is more than a year ago. I guess I was at a old Commando Barrack. Today i want to talk about something which i do not know whether i had talked before. Alright, the photo already gave you some clue about my topic today, because i felt i would like to make things clear and record my ideas down, i have recorded alot but not this one yet i guess. I was reading the SPI book at the end of my secondary school days......during winter......at the end of 2006 to early 2007. The book inspired me to find out more......in fact, i have been interested in such topics always......since a real kid. So this book is something like a stimulator. I return to Singapore for my Poly studies soon enough and i went for SPI and API tours.......trying to find out and learn more. I came across the group of people such as Weixue, terribly disgusting person , true walking disaster of the planet, but that is not my point today. Today, I will talk on my paranormal philosophy, my idea. After some time wandering about the organisations, seeing API, SPI, Supernatural. It came to a stop where i rest myself for a year. I got to rest before more bad things happen with that numbskull. I was with the API for some short time, the media team led by Hao Song, but well i was fired soon enough as I was absent for 2 or 3 meetings, so.......the reason was lack in commitment. Okay, also here to correct myself of what i thought last time about API affliated with the PSS. Simply weixue the fool created PSS and he thought he affliated with them. PSS was spamed with pornographic advertisements, tons of them at the end after i left the forum and left it to rot. Weixue close it few months ago. Well, those were all 1 year ago. I went to visit and play around on Chinese paranormal forums in china though, and was utterly shocked at first. The paranormal ideas and knowledges are still living in the old dynasties there and I could not help. That problem does not lie in paranormal field only, it is the problem of the society of the nation so I drifted away after some months of observation and "preachings". Well, i am not saying they are totally helpless but again like i said, it is the society, and not everyone is dumb, there are people who still understands but very little. In fact, maybe i was too confident of Singaporeans. Afterall, I noticed the problems does not lie in China only, it is everywhere. Newbies, superstitions and pure stupidity of paranormal industry simply can be found anywhere. Well, I went to talked to US investigators on the net too and learnt some of their ideas and directions they are going. Finally, the SGFX, freakylinks leader found me from a old paranormal blog by weixue. I was recruited like i mentioned few posts away. Well, basically this is what had happened so far. My paranormal idea is based on modern science. Science have to be the base of the paranormal investigations. Religious and modern superstitions can only be auxiliary forces to assist you. Not speaking of those issues people normally bring out.....saying science cannot explain this and that or certain paranormal activities are just imaginations or illness or what. I am here to say that they are neither right. The timeline is still on the move, it is not the end of the world, there is no answers yet. We can keep on finding, discovering, debunking but it is really unneccessary to debate on some matters. In fact most questions in paranormal field cannot be truly answered. Many so called answers are all assumptions of some clues, some research backups or.....maybe no clue at all. I believe the nature. Our mother nature, our mind, our brain, ourselves, our surroundings have too many mysteries, and those can be the contributing factors, the unknown factors that are affecting our paranormal world. Like i said, our mind is very powerful and we humans are too confident in our senses. I know people are impatient, wanting answers right now, but all we can do is wait and see, we cannot give conclusions. Those simple cases can be solved, but some basic questions......we just cannot. Well, I see paranormal as something very important to us. The topic can be a study of everything mankind have so far. It can be a study of combining every knowledge human have so far since the cradle of civilisations. It requires basically few areas, humanities, sciences and some "actions". When you research into paranormal cases, you found yourself wandering into the worlds of history, geography, philosophy, religion, literature, archaeology......u name it. And on the scientific side, you have to enter the halls of mathematics, biology, physics, psychology and again, u name it. Whatever human have now is what is needed in paranormal study. So you see, what is paranormal? Paranormal....is a study of the hidden side of nature. Ah.....and of course ourselves....we are part of nature. I spoke of "actions" previously, that "actions" is the skill during the investigations......well, you might just start to behave like a detective or simply is one. So......you should know it is impossible to know everything in order to be ready for paranormal. Therefore, detectives consult other professionals..... If one day, someone said paranormal means ghost hunting only, playing with some tricks or he or she is a master of the Paranormal. He or she lied. The ghost part i guess i would not need to explain anymore, you should have understood if u accepted the idea stated all along in this post. The master of the Paranormal part...... well....He or she can be a master in one field or knew things in many fields, but he or she would not be a master in this overall structure. There might be some experts who are the closest to a true master compared to the rest but...........still, treat the person who said he or she is a master as a lie, because you would not be able to meet the true one. And that, is an assumption, well u know........because certain possibilities are so low.....they are close to zero. At last.......i would finally say.....go with the nature.......let things flow naturally.......because that is the natural way. That is my philosophy

2008-11-23T02:09:00.002+08:00

It is 2:14am now as i type this line, 1 hour and 3 mins to my actual birth time on 23rd, my birth date. What does it mean by being 18. More laws to handcuff you of course. I am sure that i enjoy being 17 instead. I am not a law breaker unless the law is not what it suppose to be. Okay, frankly, being 16 is a what the hell to me already, i did not expect me to be that old yet, now 18? This is crazy , i thought i am 8. If i were 8, then the adults must be really scared. I am refering to my mind. Well, besides talking about being 18, what else can i say now.......wait for the actual time? Well, so far, i believe i am still what i am at 5. The good natured boy of justice is still here, I am the one who has not yet change, most have, or should i say almost all have. Sometimes maybe u would wonder how long is a decade, well, i see thats quite long, but not that long exactly, so i know i am talking rubbish here. I am as well as saying nothing. As i said, time stops when u do nothing, time moves on when u start doing something, well now i add on and say time moves double time when u start doing something with joy, maybe with someone. Because alone in the dark will make time feel like a long long way.....it is like taking forever....although it never lasted that long. It is in the mind.....again i said....it is in the mind......Your mind is powerful, beware. What is the most tragedic thing to be happening? Oh , well, for now i will say, i am 18 by life age, 16 by look, and who knows what age i am in my mind. Well, the maturity might not be 30 or what.....but i am sure i knew somethings my age dont, well, i should not use age to classify people, because i find that some young people too have great mind and knowledge, its about the person him or herself , not the age.......like some guy can be 30 plus but he is not as matured as me, not knowing as much as me, well i would not disclose who that is, just an example. While some men are great people of their time or at least, an acceptable 30 yr old human to this current society. So, i guess i should not use age as the factor in the classification, i should make a standard instead. The amount of things should be shown at certain age. So, again, that is very subjective. But according to confusius, there is a chart.......it is in his book, there are chapters which talk about when are u be able to be living with no doubt.........when are u actually suppose to be supporting yourself. So, there is a classification, by Confusius. Mine might be similar of course. But since it is a different world now, my version would confirm be different from his. Well, most importantly, i am a different person, different as in............u find sheeps on the streets, copies of others, i am just standing by myself........That is my philosophy

2008-11-22T20:44:00.003+08:00

Movie picture from "My Boy Jack". First world war scene, a prestigious british doctor sent his son to war, his son volunteered, well u know, he died. He was rejected many times by the navy because of extremely bad myopia. But his father got him into the Army finally, he became a 2nd lieutenant and did well, both the training and the battefield until he is shot down by machine guns. 1 man is left to tell the tale, he was hidding just below Jack, in a trench. Simple, clear cut, actor as u can see, the "harry porter" boy. Dramatic look, orange sky.......dust.....That is what i saw this dawn, today. Unfortunately.......unfortunately i did not carry a camera with me to take the scenery down......all i can describe.....it is ....soft orange....yellow......transparency...overlapping the baby blue sky.....covering the light grey clouds......uniting.......reflecting the colours.....which bonded into one another, giving the obvious yellow but also blue......and the hidden green meaning behind everything. I came back from Ang Mo Kio today, i found the chinese medicine clinic, had acupuncture done on my right wrist and given medicines, just 20 dollars. Unexpectedly cheap to me , maybe it is the first time i seen a chinese physician in Singapore. Had a meal at the hawker centre beside and walked back to Ang Mo Kio MRT station......where i saw the light of the dawn......giving its everlasting impression. I wonder will anyone there find it beautiful......Today, is saturday, and looks like alot....or many....or most......maybe almost everyone has gone out or something....I am staying home of course. I would not play the ball games tomorrow, i guess i would be obedient and rest. Lying there while the needles are on me, is quite of a comfortable experience, the femal doctor is friendly, gave me tips on my skin also.......she recommended Mimosa. The plant which will "closes" itself when touched. Pull it from the soil with its roots on, boil it for 45 minutes and bath the infected parts with it. Sounds cool. I would look forward in finding mimosa plants now. Do not think its that easy. I might just be plucking them from the roadside or buying and growing them maybe........Well, i will go for another meal later at night. I will sleep early today i guess. Looks like i will be away from physical training. And looks like my ligament is very vulnerable. Ah...........my allergic body too......it is a gene defection....Born to be loser. As I said again......nature gave you one part of a perfection, it would not give u the other part. That is my philosophy

2008-11-22T02:15:00.004+08:00

This is Rappeport, i think i spelled it correctly. He is acting as Don self in Prison Break season 4. And you know, he is a New York Knicks fan, this is him recently in Madison Square Garden arena. Recently, i have wrist pain, due to dumbbell maybe, and ball sessions. So......it is deteriorating, and i am going to see a chinese doctor tomorrow, maybe in the ang mo kio area. I have to get it done, have to.........Well, another than this issue, i bet nothing more is going wrong actually. This semester is the strangest one, i do not actually feel that i am doing much. Maybe theres more lectures and less of those packaging design or logotypes stuff. I watched documentary from the 1934. Hitler and the german people, rallies, meetings..........great leader.....great passion.....great speech......He is a representative of the artists, for a political leader. Alright....time...for rest.....I should get back to my sleep.........May my blanket capture me as prisoner. I, lay in silence, but loneliness.......is not in my head but i know, i am not spending time wise enough because i felt ..................That is my philosophy

2008-11-20T21:02:00.002+08:00

Around 2-3weeks ago, i did this test. As you can see, it was to.....make 2 glasses filled with 10 litres each, i misunderstood the question as needing 2 glasses to have 10 litres in total but actually just 1 step short, so it is completed. In 10 minutes, i never finish such quiz or test before, maybe i have not done any but this time i suddenly amazed myself and thought "hey, i can actually do this kind of thing, this maths, logic kind of quiz", not to show how smart i am, just surprised that i can complete this in 10 minutes. Tomorrow......it's friday.......again.....just like any other week........another friday......another number 5.........another day before the weekends.......another weekly balling session. Not much to talk about........well last week i got to know the basketball term "triple threat" better. TRIPLE THREAT. there isnt another threat, there isnt a bigger threat. That is my advertisement lines for triple threat. Haha, simply in a stance, where you can pass, shoot, or drive. So, it is 3 threats to your defender. For a person who can do all 3 very well, there will be no other threat that can be more threathening than triple threat because you got to guard the player if he passes, or he start driving to the basket, or just shoot over you. The footwork, fundamentals and body language here plays a big role, in fact this is what fundamental basketball is all about if you do not talk about the teamwork, offensive and defensive plays yet. We will continue to work on the "Pick and Roll" and " option" offensive plays. Again, very basic, down to earth and have to do it because again, this is what basketball is about. It is about organising plays to maximise the possibility of open or easy shots, which you can see, you dont really see that in Singapore. Even Slingers are playing the "1 on 1" game, everyone just take turns to 1 on 1, take tough shots, get themselves trapped or double teamed easily because of bad movement, bad strategy and all those basic plays from the US colleges or the NBA, you just would never see them here, mysteriously, i do not know what these coaches are doing. That is why i called Singapore a third world basketball country. Finding people to play basketball is already limited, finding people to have good skills is even more limited and........finding people to play real, true and right basketball, I can tell u, try finding till your next life. Nothing offensive, but this is the truth, because again, Mr Soon tats fah, a design lecturer of my school, said that people always see the 1/3 of the iceberg which is above the water, there is 2/3 below the water which people did not see. Same thing goes here and everywhere else, they see a nice move by some well-known player, they just do it which they had no idea why, or the underlying factors that determined that this move is correctly executed. People just saw the iceberg above the water and copy what is there which is......what people think it is all about. That is why, you can actually get slapped directly, full palm on the face in a basketball game in singapore. Well, not once, but all the time. Stupid executions. Too bad, as I said earlier, in every field, people see 1/3 of the iceberg mostly. I mean things like this alot of times does not need to be a professional to know it. The rules are all wrong, or all kind of funny rules evolved. Well, not going to continue talking about this, I would end here. The final destination might not be an end, the path might just go round and round........yea....round and round. The same thing will happen again tomorrow but I can tell you, that is not deja vu, buddy. That is my philosophy

2008-11-19T00:26:00.002+08:00

Around these 2 weeks. I had dreams....and i hardly had any during my non-holiday sleeps well you know I dream every night during holiday. So......what i saw.......monsters.......female monsters......funny crap......and one which is worth to talk about. I picked up a cello and in the dream i somehow wish to carry on the fallen destiny of my father........the cello........what a talent.....what a player......yet......everything goes to waste just because of wrong decisions made. Well other than that. I remember Kurt used to play ball with me on saturday morning for the past 2 years. I have been playing Yahoo Basketball fantasy game on Kurt's league and I just topped it this week and this week, it is between me and kurt....head to head. Another night........another sleep.......another time of music-ing. Music kept me emotionally satisfied. "I'm on the battlefield......i will play this game......no matter what.. Victory or defeat.......is not what i wanna see......What i wanna see.....is the truth in this place.......And this place is in my heart. I want to know myself. Then at least one day i can say that......i understand my world.......the world where i lay in peace. That is my philosophy.

2008-11-18T01:15:00.002+08:00

Well.....well.....well.......Looks like we have lost Pram to the "fun ball" concept. Fine, I will have Felix and Sherman to play with then. This coming friday will be at the active court at street 22 again.........SGFX will be hosting something this coming saturday, i guess i have to go, no matter what. The celebration of the birthday of 3-4 people i guess.......including me. Nothing will stand in my way hopefully.........Angela is offline for 2 days, my guess is that she went to some auntie's house or getting her medicine from the capital Amman. Tomorrow will be another project studio for my product.....portable vacuum cleaner.....of Adidas.......Lecturer loved to say things looks obscene to them. I am taking my "calm down" pills everynight......yes....everynight....else...sleeping is a problem.....itch is a problem.......it spoils many things.......can be almost everything.....My wounds this time is concealed within the covered areas.......but pretty bad looking......the wound....the .......pain.....when perspiration comes when i almost got home.......when i shower myself.......i breath hard like a injured lone wolf.
You know what......I found the hidden reason behind the obvious question. Why did i not work hard. Why did i not start working and always slacking, always resting...........but i am still tired. The final answer is fear, it is uncertainty, it is lonliness, I am immune to the loneliness part.....but......i knew it is always there, i am used to it, but..........it is there. "At least i still exist" kind of life is not something new. But i want to thank my current classmates for not ill-treating me. It is a gift already. I got to rest now, there is a day to go tomorrow, also to ask the bloody CPF people about god damn school fees. To be able to foresee or not, it usually ends the same. That is my philosophy

2008-11-07T23:03:00.002+08:00

This time, I am recruited by SGFX. I would not say what it stands for unless u ask me. My first exploration will be tomorrow. I was actually on second command for investigation soon after i met up with the "freaks". I did some map research around the area i am going yesterday, and actually found that Singapore is a big garden. I did not think so until now. I thought it is just trees but i think many places are only linked by main roads, not so many ways into or out of certain places, which make it interesting. So, there are actually "cities" in Singapore. So i am getting out of my region. Another thing i would like to say is my new and loving friend Angela. She contacted me from my contacts from some chinese forum. She is from the same city, same birthday, just a year older. Although she is in Jordan now, but i am investing in this "bank". Ben said why not invest in local "banks", well simply i am not welcomed in local "banks". "They don't want my money boy". I know i certainly like her, and yes, alot. The hope to see her is something cannot be forseen. I know this is crazy, this has no logic but, i just want to "lock" her up first, i might have a chance in the future. She is moving back in 2 years time, by then i will be in the army, and she will continue her studies while after my army, my university time comes. We always had great chats online, and also on the phones. I hope this really continues and soon even better things will happen. There is a connection.......though it is thin and very isolated. I will hold on to it, this is my hope, my dream, my goal. My dream was....actually to have a dream.....my goal was to have a true goal. This can be one. This is the one. I am the most rational artist, i know i am doing something irrational but this can be the motor to power myself to work towards something in my life, just like I said.......a person should do whatever possible to fulfill his or her dream until destiny reveals itself. That is my philosophy

2008-10-24T00:20:00.003+08:00

Einstein mentioned about 99 percent hardwork and 1 percent talent. Actually the 1 percent is the most important. He just did not want to discourage anyone. Those people who has the hardwork won't overtake the ones with talent(provided they strive). Use what u have, that will be the way, so far, i haven't use anything i have, yet i have so many. I dont know when i am going to strive or be working on something that i am made for. What is known is already known for the future , i dont have to think anymore. I am just a incredible hawk which have not yet experienced any flying. Many felt bored about their destiny, some might think they have no talents and that is wrong, they said that because they are not using their talent. The reason might be the unawareness of their natural abilities. Well, Kobe Bryant also said that he hates people who are born to play basketball. He likes those who love basketball. That is an encouragement, similar to Einstein's. Same thing, those who are built for the kill, when strived, will dominate the ones who arent built for what they are doing. So, i can say that the world is also about trying......trying to do. What is within u , gifted, are already done. What you can do is to use whatever u have, and that is to try. A great man of a piece of history is talented and hardworking, but most of the time he is not the one who is given the best and most talents, neither is he given the most determination of hardwork. He is ......moderate.....a balance. If a genius strives, he will be a saint. If a moderate talented man who has hardwork, he will be a or the great one of his history. If an ungifted man stives, he might just be able to be right beside the great man......or even the saint. Focus. Once you run the play, you won't get to stop. There is no room for saving your game. It is a one way highway. ........."Going my way"?......it's gonna be a long..... way ladies and gentlemen. That is my philosophy

2008-10-11T19:59:00.002+08:00

Since when......I lost my feeling of blogging......, I remember blogging the basketball practice everyday when I just started to play. 2008 might be the year with the least posting since I started blogging.......for 2......3 years. I would not just stop here, there is a long way to go for this blog. Talking about 2008, big year. Simply big, why? just feel it,........big enough?........the year with 911 might be big too but this 2008, there is more things to see. Disasters are running across the globe, more and more warnings on.......our home......is counting down. Other than the disasters......Earthquakes.......snow.......floods.......you name it......there is Olympic games.....summer games in Beijing, China. This time, it looks more like an advertisement to the world.......showing that China can host such events, and also, to tell those who think China is still in its 1950s looks, .......pal.....this is China. While lots of foreigners are impressed, in fact i am not, so is a friend from China. It is just about the numbers in the opening ceremony.......chinese culture........huge numbers of people......great, explosive fireworks......Forget about the Games, my second cousin was a Olympic volunteer at that period of time in Beijing. My trip to Suzhou and Nanjing was alright .......yes.......as always......alright.........autumn is quite......comfortable.......my favourite season indeed. Returnin back to Singapore, not much difference but I am actually on my self. Looks like my grandmother would not make it through the winter........at most 2009.......which many think it is not even possible. The sudden change in her body status lasted for 10 days, thin and weak.......now. 1928 till now, maybe it has been enough already. 10 years of life, after 2 strokes, not mentioning breaking both her legs.....and her arm. In China, Nanjing, seeing my relatives, father. This time a little different. I had more free time by myself.....making decisions. I spent time with my cousins and a friend alone, this and that. Regretted that i did not agree on the taking photos with her thing. The friend wanted to take a kind of picture, those tiny little ones which i forgot the name........ah neoprints........unfortunately, its crowded everywhere, not that crowded at the shop......but i was just impatient to do that......so....i said lets go....sometimes.....things like this left in my mind......somehow.....memories of war will be left in some soldier's mind. I am that kind. I could have had some patient and go for it, she said there isn't any photos of me and her.......well......this chance past.....who knows when is the next. Somethings you just have to do it today, do it now, if you wait for tomorrow or next time, things will change......more than half the chance....you would not have that opportunity anymore. I am suddenly left on my own, mentally first, emotionally.....and physically.......This semester in school, I know i have to change. big change. The bird which never chirp needs to start its great plan. I have to proof myself, i could not just let myself be the average or worse person. Difficult tasks, yes, I will need to put in action. No more running away, no more disorganisation, no more short-cuts. "I gotta strive". That is it. The difference between a person up there and down here is one has a great ambition, the other don't. Looking at those people around me at the food court. Working people, many of them too have the talents and potentials. I too have lots of talents, but i am satisfied easily and i have no ambition. no idea on what i am going to accomplish. I am being passive at an very early age.......negative........I guess i have to save that when i am old enough to die. No way being so at this age, it is old-age in advance. Well, basically I found that the first stage of my philosophy is to understand, the second is to execute it. Do what you already knew. A plan is not even half from succeeding till it is being executed. That is my philosophy

2008-08-30T16:27:00.003+08:00

Downed? Ready to go....Dead? Spirit don't....Clutch? Upon your foe....I played my ball games with Felix, Ernest and Pram this morning. The last one before I fly to Nanjing. Out of stamina, burning on nothing but soul, and I play better when that happens. Just like an exhausted beast is going for the final move. I suffered cramps from my left ankle and quadricep. Actually more would have happen but I controlled my moves. 1st is after the morning games and I release the ankle cramp on purpose when I did my foot rotation exercise. The 2nd one is during afternoon games , intercepted a pass and the cramp came as soon as I landed on the ground. I ask to continue the game after few minutes. Have to get recover soon because I cannot really walk with ease now. I bet the training at home did have some effect on the muscles and I did not wait till they recover before my ball games. My lower body just felt exhausted with muscle problems here and there, I felt sleepy because I did not take lunch before the afternoon games. I ate some of the steak at home and rest............Yesterday I took a look at my blog, the last entry was last month, it has been almost a month, again.........3 weeks into the holiday, I had my good sleep all nights. 4th of October, I will be back on. Another summer ends......another autumn arrives.......but i do not think i can stay long enough to see the leaves fall. My maternal grandparents are leaving Singapore with me this time, has been some years that they did not managed to return to Suzhou. This time , they have the chance and they will not return to Singapore. That is the end of their life in Singapore, from 1995 to 2008. 2 years into Polytechnic, and I know what is going to happen for the next one and a half years.......more motivation....more inspiration.....more downs but still get to go......will be dead but spirit dont......clutch? I am not a clutch person.....getting the thing right at the right moment is not something that everyone could do...but.....one thing to know......when the clutch time comes.....you know it......just do it.....dont think .That is my philosophy

2008-07-31T21:02:00.001+08:00

When i was even younger, i thought we were the same. I thought things that are obviously right should be known, that is really what i was thinking but later i found people are still doing the wrong thing. Later i found that is because of human nature. When i was even younger, i thought we were the same. I thought I am no different with the rest of the children, thats really what i was thinking but later i found that i am so so different, and getting more different now. Later i found that it is call what u are born with and what u decide to do. That is my philosophy

2008-07-07T18:55:00.004+08:00

So far, I am still underage. Under 18 i mean. Meaning I have plenty of life to play around. No, not play around, it is always time for battle, time for battle, and more to come. Days have come where more and more decisions are anticipating, of course, for you. The names in the story always change, I know, but the emotions kept the same. When a person see through every moment of his or her life, he or she knows it, everything is just on the filmstrip. A friend of mine feels that he wants to help people, change their lives, make them happy, and somehow he will be able to leave something behind when he has gone transparent. Many did leave something behind, at least some in many different ways, what he is talking about is his deeds. Good deeds of course, as he believe in karma. Karma does exist, just a logical "cause and effect" thing. I told him, as everything is and will be temporary, things never stay there forever, human civilisation will be swept away, in fact at the end, no sign of anything will be left, maybe except some bones for the next species to wonder about, i mean if.......there is, by all means. Still, and soon actually, human discovered the reality and have to go along with the society, yes, tiring and boring as always. They could not do anything, could they? Things are always so.......unstable, just like flickering fire. Hence my answer is to decide and do with the time given to you. Follow your heart, follow the right way. Then people will argue about what right is. I say just keep it simple, you have conscience don't you? Do the best you can. That is my philosophy

2008-04-26T00:34:00.002+08:00

Second week ended for second year in Nanyang Polytechnic. More than 7 projects in the first week. Have to hold my ground. Waiting for the "everlasting" victory. Without playing ball for 2 months, my condition is bad, have not recover my best status yet, not even close. Projects of year 2 is great, enough firepower to own me into pieces. Nights are my best friend to stay with. Dawn is my alarm. Day is my trench to hold the bombings. I frowned during the last shower today, i yelled with no voice but breath. I said to the mirror , i want to be strong. I will rule, and i will die or perish one day with no regrets. To have no regret does not have to be the best. Sometimes, understanding or enlightening yourself might be the most important matter in life. After you enlightened yourself, everything will be as clear as water......It worth nothing.......it worth everything. That is my philosophy

2008-02-19T00:07:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow, I will fly for Nanjing. My flight will stop at Xiamen before Nanjing. Tonight had a ball game with Sunny and Kurt. Had 2 photos taken with Kurt because he said he is not sure whether he will still be here when I get back in April. Vacation means i can rest. I do not know whether there will be comfort for me in China. Weather is still cold...around -1 in Nanjing still. Hope for comfort.....hope for more rest. Away from illness....especially stomach problem.....itch.....etc. 12th of April. Returning date. Hope it is right. Hua hua has been staying in the hospital for a long time.....it is a month already. More than a week , she has not online. I do not know when or will I be able to go to Beijing to see her. Is Pneumonia the real illness troubling her?.........seems abit serious. Another semester break.....I can still remember clearly my last trip to China....my first polytechnic semester break.......it did not seem that far away.....polytechnic life is fast. I left secondary school for a year already. That is the speed. I have not felt that yet. Kurt has stayed in Singapore for 2 years already and he will be leaving soon this year. First time i saw Felix , he was wearing CJC uniform. Now he is going to finish his NS. Benjamin Toh felt it too. Lightning speed. ..........Isn't it. The number of the year just kept on adding........2008....whats next?....2009?.....Do you think it will be it when you realise again the next time? Time slows down when you stare at nothing. Time quickens when you start doing something.............The ability to effectively remembering things in life gave me alot of materials to reflect. Time to leave, .....to sleep. Time for tomorrow. That is my philosophy

2008-02-06T20:22:00.000+08:00

Tonight is Chinese New Year eve. Today , the semester ended actually.....except for a photoshop project left next week. Many things have happened last month. .....Hua hua ......."flower" is my best friend online.......from a forum in china. The crappy stuffs from that forum is quite entertaining. The story between us is quite complicated......but i should say that ....2008.....16 th of january.....23 hours......i replied her thread....and that sparked the whole story. ........She live in Beijing too but unfortunately this vacation i am visiting Nanjing instead. Will be learning drawing and training some basketball there.....Hua hua might be still in hospital now......She is suffering from Pneumonia......she kept coughing .....thats about it. I know she will be disappointed but i think i might have one or two chances to visit Beijing's home with my mom. I will try to meet her.....I am a little drunk tonight but i felt great. Stress-free is the keyword........................I hope she will be back soon......I have not talked to her for some time already. .......Snow in southern china.....hope that it will be better soon.....That is my philosophy

2008-01-13T20:01:00.000+08:00

At around 6 pm, dark clouds , wind, lightning and thunder poured around me. I decided to take a nap. This is the best symphony by the thunderstorm since a very long time ago. Lightning's flash and thunder's roar are beautiful if you enjoy them in safety. Thunder's roar went from loud to soft.....so did the lightning....some are extremely long....some are short. It is like a story of something. The life of a living or non-living thing. Ups and downs............Highs....and lows........Even when it reached to the bottom......it might bounce back again and reach its height.......The rain....is like the tempo......or the beat...following through. The dark atmosphere is the stage curtain ........which signalled the begining......and will signal......the end. That is my philosophy

2008-01-12T20:57:00.000+08:00

Kurt back today. Played 5 hours of ball game starting from 9 am. Fandi came with his friends. Games was played hard today. Had 1 block on Felix, 1 on Ernest and another block on someone i could not remember. The bald boys are more athletic but not very skilled. Open house was held this week. The job of being a tour guide is quite stupid. I took the afternoon shift and the whole afternoon i had lead 1 student only while others lead 20. Made friend with the student i lead. I had a sleep just now , woke up an hour ago. Tomorrow, i have to do some work for project in the afternoon. Planning to wake up early in the morning tomorrow. Felt a little awkward now....sleeping again? I hope to do some talking before i sleep. Talk....to whom should i ? Myself...Reflect by speaking to myself. That is my philosophy

2008-01-01T03:26:00.000+08:00

Today, 2008. I spent the last few hours of 2007 playing basketball with a few friends. School will start tomorrow. A peaceful heart......is needed......to tackle problems....I had great time playing ball games these 2 days....the movies are alright also.......the best ......is the feeling within the greetings across people......for a good year....a great year. I had a plea..sant.....chat...with a friend. That is the first conversation i had in 2008. Long conversation......pleasant?....certainly.....I mean real pleasant. Every conversation is an experience.....The chat just now was another feeling.....which i almost never had. Unfortunately.....i know that.....i would not get the exact feeling again next time. Even if i talk to the same person....the feeling might be similar.....but it will never be the same.......not the same.....like the very first one.....gloomy?......me. I am showing the true me and gloomy is part of it. Know me deep enough....and get to see other parts. That is my philosophy

2007-12-30T00:43:00.000+08:00

I rested for 2 weeks during the break and Kurt will be back around next week. Soon, there will be some games again. I should not stop training though. I watched 2 movies this week, "Warlords" and "I Am Legend". Well, i havent watch movie for quite some time actually so its time to relax. Again, I read the deeper meaning from both movies. Basically, Warlords is more of a reflection of the sufferings of the poor and soldiers. For "I Am Legend", it is more about the society. One of the information i read from the story is saying that the majority and the minority. Try to change? Change for the better? While some are just there to stop. Maybe stopping themselves from being saved. Again, everywhere you see is choices.......some call it the illusion.....only for those with power...Choices are everywhere....alot of times it cut down to 2.....dead or alive. That is my philosophy

2007-12-08T18:22:00.000+08:00

Today i had 5 blocks, 1 on Kurt, 4 on 4 jc players. Playing some good defence, rebounding, defensing, stealing, blocking. Although offensively did not do much but it is alright. Making right decisions is still something i need to take note of. Kurt will be away for Christmas vacation in 1 week's time. Well....i know i will improve. Kurt always told me to make right decision....and i will be twice as good. He said about when I am 24, i will be best.......so continue improving now. Yea Yea.....That is my philosophy

2007-12-02T00:52:00.000+08:00

Today 's game was good....best for past few months. The last few games, everyone shared the basketball. Ernest improved his inside game. Felix had an injured finger but still he is getting better . My outside game has proven itself. A different shooting stroke.....more athletism yet no fatigue. Training endurance does help. I will be anticipating next saturday's morning. This month, i spoke to 2 friends and helped them to be less depressed and less bored....till the time when they do not need me anymore. Thats the trend. It is a realistic fact. My skin got worse for 2 weeks till friday. Today was almost perfect. Thanks to the cream from National Skin Centre again. I have to take care of it now. Tomorrow will be doing some design studio work and work out . This means i need to sleep now. And yes.....my wallet....lost last tuesday......i have not replace the IC yet......will do it later this month. Around 3 weeks to term break, maybe will do around that time....My blanket was getting softer.........i dont know the reason why....maybe it is becaus my skin gets better. Skin smoother......blanket will felt to be smoother. That is my philosophy

2007-11-15T21:54:00.000+08:00

Half way through the second semester, some projects still keep on going......while some.....coming.....Weeks fly faster as it go. Tomorrow is another friday. Saturday coming again. The things that kept me running is perseverance, endurance and rest. I have to work harder...yet be able to have sufficient rest. Time management...yes....maybe spend the time resting when i do not want to do anything, so that when i am done resting, i can engage the homeworks as soon as possible....efficiently. So.....i am going to rest for now. Rest now....for the next fighting. Today, I retrieved my glasses ....back into my bag.......so i am able to see during some lessons. I put it on when i was on the way home from school.....again i can see the big difference of glasses on and off. The world i saw with my glasses always gave me a very different feeling........First thing, i knew my eyes are not doing well....deteriorating. Secondly.....looking into the glasses is like travelling to a place of interest to me. I do not wear so often.....always felt interesting when they are being put on. I also stay more alert....or careful because i afraid that the glasses might drop. Mr Soon from my course told us once about try to do the same things in many ways. Going home by different routes everyday.........well today i tried going home with my glasses on. It does felt different. Making me felt less bored maybe. That is my philosophy

2007-11-01T18:51:00.000+08:00

After almost 3 weeks into the second semester, still be able to catch up. About 7 weeks left for this term . Back for 3 weeks, still not be able to see Kurt because of all the rain on Saturday mornings. Hope that there will be better weather this coming saturday . Talking about basketball, Yi Jian Lian made his debut in the NBA season today, 9 points, 3 rebounds, 1 steal, 2 blocks and 6 fouls which got him out of the court. Although everyone did not think Yi will do well in the NBA, but i think it is hard to predict. Yao Ming was terrific today in the opening game. He had 25 points, 12 rebounds, 3 assists, 3 blocks and 1 steals. I have my improvement too but i am not sure how big it is. That is my philosophy

2007-10-18T21:37:00.000+08:00

A work i did for colour study last semester, it is not very good but it is something what the lecturer want at least. After i came back this time , i really have to work well from the start for this semester. So i will of course do what i am supposed to do. This coming saturday i will be playing basketball with Kurt and Felix again , i hope i am better than before. I started training my body strength and i think it will help me in the future because good body is very essential for basketball. I tried hard to keep my skin "unharmed" this time , it has been a few days, i wonder if it could stay like this for the rest of the days. My holiday for the last 2 months have became history , but time will be flying. I will soon go to that place again. I owed her a hug still. This time when i returned to Singapore, i do not felt the same anymore. I have a feeling of.....not very sure where i am. The feeling started in Beijing and it carried on here. Maybe it is another change in me but i am not sure of the effect yet. But i am certained......that the change is undergoing now. That is my philosophy

2007-09-19T23:58:00.000+08:00

I have finally be able to exercise in the Gym at b1 today. I will be doing so till i leave. I played basketball after that and I saw the best players i have ever seen so far. They are so perfect to me. LeBron of LeBrons, Bryant of Bryants. My mom left on Monday, now i am alone again but once i thought of her, i will be happier. She is my new friend. Zou Shen Wen. She is some kind of an intellectual, quiet, cool and cute. Most importantly, i found a sense of innocence in her. I have never had such an innocent and ............(something is wrong)......well i am back from 1st floor.........the lights went off......and i noticed the laptop 's electricity was off......and was running on battery. I went down to 1st floor's main hall to ask about it.......it will take 3 hours for the electricity to return. Well......all in darknes........All in darkness.....no more lights.......no more internet.....only the laptop still running on limited battery and that is the only light now...........only light in the dark................the songs in my list are still playing......the only melodies being played in the silence of the night. ......this post will only be posted after..everything is back to normal......Well....back to the girl......i really like her....inside out. She is so pure to me........but now...before everything happens, including posting this post.....i will have to stay in the dark.....i am in darkness.....That is my philosophy

My IQ

2007-09-10T03:09:00.001+08:00

2007-09-06T21:21:00.000+08:00

"............" That is how to express tonight's emotions. Absolutely nothing......No words.......just silence.........because i am "dead" tired........i dragged myself home....really......up the overhead brigde............into the subway stations..........back home............i washed my hand.....it was as dirty as if i left my hands in mud water............maybe better than that......but most importantly....i washed them..........just like how i reclaim my honour.....maybe not that serious too......but 100 percent accuracy is not something that you can see anytime. I know i missed 3 three pointers in a game at clutch......back in singapore two weeks ago.......Kurt was upset.....Tonight.......The game at the start and the end will be the most commentable ones... The players playing with me are adults.....they are good in their ways....The starting game is alright....I made 4 out of 7 for mid range shooting.......2 out of 3 for three point shooting....4 rebounds....3 steals.....2 assists........4 turnovers......Then during the middle...i perform to a " so so " standard....maybe 1 out of 2 .......till "kobe bryant" and the rest of his guys came......i played to a " so so " standard still.......but when i was traded to "kobe's " team , i dont really get to touch the ball ....I should say...i really "suck". No opportunity to perform......and the styles did not match............But.......when 2 guys from outside came in and joined the game.......and after adjustments.......i was with the 2 new guys......a fat but alright player...and a tall player who is alittle skinny but he is fine too.....they are friendlier...than "kobe" of couse.....4 on 4......2 guys...me and a "lebron james" joined our team.......This is when....i made 10 out of 10 from mid range............most are open......or the opponent is 1 metre away from me......but 1 tough shot.......it is almost a miracle.....once the ball is passed to me.......i shoot...and.....nicely DONE!........the ball hog " Kobe" is doing his old things again.....scolding........asking.........blaming all the mistakes that his teammate made.....including this.....right after my shot.....he would ask " whose man is this?" .......the person guarding might be dreaming in the dark because it was 7 pm.......he said he did not even know the person scoring was me. But a 10/10 for field goal is really something tough in these games.....these are not games which are slack....It is really intensive.....that is why my shoulders, waists, back, fingers, legs, feets and toes hurts alot.....hence i need to drag my body home. ......The feelings from during the game to after the game was.....speechless...there was nothing on my mind...........nothing........just shoot.....at will............I will improve.....I believe......That is my philosophy

2007-08-29T20:48:00.000+08:00

Holiday now. Training time. Train the drawing of course. And maybe the physical strength. So i am flying to Beijing again spending 45 days there and hence, living alone for most of the time. 31st of August will be the day i fly. 14th of october, i will be back. So.....hang on. Hang on.......~ That is my philosophy

2007-08-15T18:30:00.000+08:00

I injured my finger last week. Last Wednesday, i was playing with this bunch of Christians, and i accidentally stepped onto the girl(A) 's foot which has a wound. She fell and she gather all her might and hit me .....right across me ....her fist went.....she stood up and she hit again. i didnt do much but just standing there. After that his brother did a pass, i was intercepting but only my last 2 fingers tipped the ball which was flying at top speed and strength. A sound was heard and my last finger on my left hand was in "S" shape. I was in cold sweat. After X raying at Mount Alvernia, my finger had a dislocation and a piece of bone was being pulled out by the snapped ligament. the forefinger on the left hand suffered a sprain. Last Saturday i visited Mount Elizabeth for that doctor again and it seems fine and i am in a period of recovery. It will take months but i can still play basketball but not as intense as before. And I love my injuries. That is my philosophy

2007-08-03T16:44:00.000+08:00

Kurt, Felix and I works best together on the court. Best coordination. I can also say that Luc, Wen Huan, Felix, Kurt and I can form a team. Luc is dominant inside. Tall and strong. With him in the team, we need to do less work as he is dominant inside. Wen Huan is a soft Power forward. He is tall and thin, with soft moves and he blocks well...in fact his trademark will be his blocks. Felix is just as tall as me but not as atheletic, he has excellent inside moves and shoots fine from mid-range with the best defense among us, he is a small forward. Kurt is the all time superstar among us. The best. He is short but he jumps higher than anyone. He is explosive and atheletic. He is jordan to us. He is our point guard, like jason kidd, he does everything. Assists, scores, rebounds, everything. I, lastly, the shooting guard. I shoots fine from outside but not very good. I drives but not so good too. i can be atheletic provided i am in good status that day. Stamina is my weakness. Kurt has always been my model to learn from. I too assists....rebounds and scores. It has been 1 year 8 months since i started playing basketball. With a heart of a rookie still, see what i can do.

Center: Luc, 30 plus years old, about 185cm, muscular, France

Power Forward: Wen Huan, 16 years old, about 183cm, slim, North eastern China

Small Forward: Felix, 18 years old, about 169cm, average, Hong kong, China

Shooting Guard: Zack, 16 years old, about 170cm, extremely slim, South eastern China

Point Guard: Kurt, around 24 to 26 years old about 164cm, muscular, California, USA

2007-07-12T23:41:00.000+08:00

Another friday, friday, i was born, my rest day now, and i lost my watch. All on fridays. Tomorrow friday the 13th is a good day. This year's 23rd of november will be another friday. Benjamin Constatine looks like some nigga, funny. Theoritically, i have quite a lot of homeworks. Practically the "alot" will be nothing if i am motivated. I would like to sleep soon, i really promise to have a good sleep tonight. Sleep, rest, I need. Hopefully tomorrow, when i wake up, the birds will sing something to me. 3 years....i need to hang on for 3 years.....and there will be another challenge waiting for me....unknown challenge..... My eyes are closing.......Good night me. Good night moon. That is my philosophy.

2007-07-10T20:35:00.000+08:00

That is Sabreena's portrait. I drew it......Sometimes, when you think of what u had and have now, you think it is your fate and it might continue to be this way. You controls your fate or your fate controls you? You can always decide what you want, but some people called the decision made "fate's decision". They are trying to say that no matter how you decide, that is still your fate. I do not want to say whether one controls another but i want to say that all we can do is to decide and do with the time given to us. That is my philosophy.

2007-07-05T01:19:00.000+08:00

SRKD-Sincerity(word changed), Righteousness kindheartedness and Dignity. NYP work is like usual, troubles and nothing good it seems. Where i am in is a mess, i need to get out of it. My bed is never so comfortable for the first time in my life i think. To hold on to something seems like an easy task for the mouth, not that simple for action actually. I still have portraits for me to draw and so on...design course work.....This saturday i could play with Kurt again, he is back this week. He has been overseas for 2 weeks. I must practise on friday at least in order to boost my skill again and put on a great show. Shooting......driving.......dribbling.......rebounding......playmaking.........and defencing........all need to improve at once. And my stamina must stay in order to perform well of course......must remember to bring 3 litres of water. I need more motivation to perform in school work.......thats mostly about it. The 2 most important people to me in my design school are Candida(she always helps and friendly) and Maria(friendly and just great). Chris is good in NYP.......funky guy from Bishan Park secondary school but he will be graduating soon. I am getting tired, i should start drawing my 2 portraits. I should finish them fast. Thats what i am good at supposedly.....Sabreena is another great lady, just that i dont understand why she is always sleeping late. Obssessed with many things similar to mine. My brain....started to not working properly as minutes passed....should refresh myself after ending this. After tomorrow will be friday, free day. Another weekend comes. Yes.....another one....... my first friday was on 23rd of november............i stayed up late at that time too. I scratched myself hard these days. My skin is bad.....very bad..It is incredible........That is my philosophy

2007-06-24T21:26:00.000+08:00

The drawing drawn a year ago became the drawing of today. Although not detailed but i still like it alot. At the time i was drawing it, the man on the page in my school notebook represented me. Today, it still represent me but it is slightly different......because....time has passed...........As i said.....life is a game which you could not save and load.........once past.....it is gone........once missed something.......the tide would continue to push you on.........the missed......will be forever lost........Maybe you can retrieve it some other time in the future....but at that point of time....when you lost it............it was lost. Lifting myself up might be one of the most important job to do right now.......motivation........ I am not doing things productively yet........since the end of O levels last year.......Holiday made me used to the feeling....of time flowing past me like a river returning back to the sea.......I have none of my fighting spirits left.......I have used to the days of resting. I think i am afraid of getting hurt.......yes.....hurt......Some people hope that everything was a dream.......some hope to be in a dream..........I am sleep walking.......or i am on my bed.......half asleep..........i thought again......falling deep into a sleep is not that scary...for now at least........hence it ease my fear..for death. That is my philosophy

2007-06-19T14:00:00.000+08:00

Empressement...Righteousness...Kindheartedness...Dignity..............
Remember...that..zack...remember it till the end...............................................I fight for Empressement. I am truthful to anyone and anything and I will want to find out as much truths in the world in the time given to me. I fight for Righteousness. I am righteous, i am upright and i hate evil and untruthful living creatures. I fight for Kindheartedness. To forgive and to love is the greatest strength, even if the person is your enemy. Benevolence is for everyone even for those who destroys it.....but no mercy should be shown when one persistantly commiting the same crime. Receive your forgiveness in hell. I can fight....for Dignity....to die as well....but dying for honour on the way of my life for something is not honourable enough. To continue living and waiting for one day.....one day.....to reclaim my dignity. That is the most honourable thing to do.....also with great endurance......of ultimate humiliation. That is right. That is me. That is my philosophy

2007-06-13T20:22:00.000+08:00

This is the first week of my term break. I have to get things started....a few projects and a few preparation work......and homework......added up to almost 10 i guess...I had quite a good time at the BB primers orientation camp last sunday...although i went for a day only. Tomorrow i will be meeting jeanie. Well, i do not know what we should do actually..but i think it will be just talking and eating. Yesterday, early in the morning.....I went to Mac Rhitchie. Into the jungle, we got into bushes first....filled with a bit of water. Then the tall bushes which we stepped on them when we walked......Bbqcow asked me repeatedly whether we should proceed. I always replied them the same answer. Go.....proceed. Then came swarms.....muddy water mostly....some is like quicksand.........some reached our knee........some reached out thigh when we returned. The land walk was not that fantastic too.....we chose a bad route. In fact there were no path.. We made them. some point it was just filled with fallen trees and branches. We were all scratched on our arms and hands....30 scratches......50 scratches.......hell to with those branches and that specifc plant or tree with thorns...When we were very close to the shrine.. the GPS.... was gone.. no more battery. Our founder ordered to retreat....yes....retreat............retreat...hm.....retreat huh.....So we got ourselves back....by the original road. Rain water washed us. We were close. We will find it next time. We will never retreat. Or at least I....The leader needs to be more "leader". That is my philosohy

2007-06-02T20:42:00.001+08:00

PSS, i am the second biggest here. More and more people will get to know us....including spies. So far i have been to a SPI tour, and some joint exercise with SPI. Next week i will be going for a meeting hosted SPI....and i will be the only PSS representative there. I will be settling some problems with them. The SPI spooky walk was alright...we get to know another group of people called the SUPERNATURALS. They look more professional....they dressed like some SEAL teams....we are affiliating with all of them. Mt Faber was alright just i had a fall.....a roll to be specific. Last night was a joint investigation with SPI , to Fort Serapong but the gate there was found locked.....so we aborted the mission and we left the SPI and went for a mansion...we had some investigation there......i was being left at 1st floor alone....then 2nd floor....i recorded some sounds.....and another point to take note was......the feeling i felt at Old Changi Commando Barrack and the mansion.....was the same.....my right part of my body had the feeling of being pressed.......its the feeling of the psychic eye(the one where u put yout finger very close to between your eyes, and there will be a strong feeling). The feeling has transferred to the whole right side of my body....my right arm.....and especially my back....the back on the right side was feeling most uncomfortable.....The sound in the mansion was like someone knocking on metal stuff....or nailing something......repeatedly as soon as 2 of our friends left for other places while i was sitting at second floor corridor and founder was at 1st floor. Next week, my friends will be going to rediscover Shinto Shrine. While I will be going for SPI meeting....i dont think i can go for the investigation. Next week.....will not be an easy week.......but who said any week is going to be easy? That is my philosophy

2007-05-19T22:36:00.000+08:00

I am from API(Asia Paranormal Investigator) but now i do not work for them directly. I have gain independence by forming a new group with a friend. Although this is a unofficial group but the API has agreed to let us be the affiliation group of theirs. We are their ally now....not their soldiers. Our "declaration of Independence" which is a word document has information about our vision and stuffs. The posts are given as follows :
PSS Core Committee

Weixue – HOD Web Design & Publicity, HOD Gadgets and Equipment
Zackwise - HOD Recce & Investigations, HOD Historical Research
Mikel – HOD 2 Recce and Investigations
sOrE-EyEz – HOD Media

Me...Zackwise....Head of Department of Recce and Investigations followed by Historical Research. Sounds good.....Leader of the Investigation team. I am now a Paranormal Seeker of Singapore(PSS). I need lots of rest from now on....ye....real rests....besides studying and investigating and basketballing......thats all i do for now...That is my philosophy

2007-05-16T23:13:00.000+08:00

You know......I am under depression i guess.......finally.....should i say "again"?...This picture showed that i was on a bus actually on last friday....going to Harbour Front......to Sentosa.....this week might not go...actually........friends....problem.....i do not feel that i have friends.....people just talking..joking endlessly.....with no sense of seriousness......play a fool all the time.....While i was typing this......great to see Hawker again....my fren in my class back in Nan Chiau...a indonesian boy...cool...boy......Hawker.......hopefully he could join us on a trip next week...after he is back from Indonesia.. Kaiting said.....even natural born pessimist could change to be optimist...can i ?.....Paranoid......That is my philosophy

2007-05-14T00:14:00.000+08:00

Ignore the date again....it was actually this friday......in the bunker of Seranpong...i slept from some hours from 8 to 11...with another friend- Wei Xue, then 2 other friends came. We did not advance in anything,......we came out soon....but the new friend.....around 38 years old man...provided us with lots of information on many other haunted places we can go in the future.....feel free to visit the link at the right " paranormal team"....the blog created for paranormal lovers.......every postings are about the places we been to...and the forum "http://paralovers.proboards101.com/", feel free to take a look too. Yesterday went to Choa Chu Kang cemetery.....but fell asleep as soon as i lied down........today just now go walk walk in the old cemetery near woodleigh.....thats all.....getting bored...hope that the new place next week will be better.....i think i am crazy man...i need to sleep.....That is my philosophy

2007-05-04T18:38:00.000+08:00

Hard times....i should say....for the last 2-3 weeks.... The Designing courses.....the main point about them are not doing assignments...but redoing assignments. Other than that, i wish to go home every hour when i spend my time in Nanyang Polytechnic. I need to advance......i must produce better work...yes. Besides the Poly life....i always look forward to saturday morning because of the weekly basketball game with Kurt and friends. Although i have not been chosen by the team in NYP which is an obvious reason, I think i am happy enough to play with Kurt. Last friday i went for the first unofficial trip for API(Asia Paranormal Investigators). We went to Fort Seranpong in Sentosa....the fortress in the forest at the "satelite place" at the end of a lonely road in Sentosa. I visited there when i was in sec1 when the BB brought us there as a hike but we never go in any deeper...but this time i did. We have our investigations in a particular bunker...with a underground tunnel.....we spent time till 4 in the morning before we made our retreat.Although there were not much paranormal activities but the place will be revisited hopefully. Yesterday....was a disaster....or almost one....but we were lucky because we managed to solve our problems whenever we met them. We were supposed to find the Japanese Shinto Shrine deep in Macrhichie Reservoir but it was a failure.....we got through places where land slides happened not long ago. We forced our way through through mud, stones, roots and whatever that went in our way because if we did not....we know we have to force much all the way back ....8 kilometres back to the entrance at Lornie Road. But we got through all obstacles....some real shitty ones too.....and reached north of the jungle......from Lornie Road...11pm to outside Sin Ming Avenue at 4am. Before i went for the trip yesterday, i went for a dinner with Zhe Xuan, Yi Chao, Jia Hui, Kai Yang and Hui han to celebrate Hui han 's birthday. Then I embark for the thing. I missed the bus-stop because it was my first time to take Bus 52. It took me on an express way......i said shit man....the bus brought me to Ngee Ann Poly....around Clementi. Finally there was a hope to take bus back to Lornie Road but i gave a random message to Ben Toh who studied at NP. He was still in school and he came to meet me at the bus-stop. We took the same bus and i alighted at the bus-stop before Singapore Island Country Club and I saw Wei xue....all coincidences....Thursday night....full moon.....wet and nothing better. To get to the Shrine.... we must get into the dense jungles infested by plants, insects and some animals and all kinds of unknowns ahead so it was too dangerous to go for it....The bloody place have not been visited by any human beings since the last time which was 3 years ago by the Comittee members of SPI(Singapore Paranormal Investigators). It became an obstacle course.....march of 8 km....rather than anything else. It was a good experience or a lesson for us and for me....but i am sure that none of us wanted to do it again. I was calm always.....ye...s...calm.....nothing much to worry about......although there are some dangerous landmarks....like the cliffs.....Okay.....i have to rest......tomorrow morning, the game with Kurt...and hopefully i can finish most of the homework by tomorrow. I see more from the future. That is my philosophy

2007-04-22T23:36:00.000+08:00

Despite me being sick, i made my saturday a great day. I made about 7 incredible shots. All about the same style....drive to the baseline and made a pull back jumper(shoot the ball while jumping backwards). In fact i jump backwards and leftwards when i on the left side....that was an insane shot...a crazy shot...a kobe shot according to Kurt.....I know i do not have any chance to get through the basketball trial on May 2nd but i will play to my full strength....but i want to reach to my best status as soon as possible...get use of the nyp hoop.....and do not fall sick again......and play with alertness..Felix said i have upgraded myself from "Luther Head" to " Jamal Crawford" already.....enough to play with friends....not enough for the trial on May the 2nd. Other than that...i need to get through assignments of my course....1 or 2 good lecturers of tutors......a "gay"...and an "attitude" madam....man.....May 2nd...10 days left only.......i hope for the impossible to happen. That is my philosophy

2007-04-20T20:00:00.000+08:00

Now, a new life.....soon it will be bored......every day will end school at 6pm or earlier....with friday 2 hours of lessons...Every saturday morning is the weekly basketball practice with Kurt. There are quite a number of assignments for this week......this week...the first week. As I said....Poly is a big place....strangeland.....strangers everywhere....In my course....most people "seemed" to be....friendly....i said most......then you know...a few will always gave you a cold look.....i am cold..... I have fallen ill......thanks to the NYP Air-conditional system.....and my poor immune system...if you people wanted to tell me...."Dont blame anything except yourself". I am mentally and emotionally crazy so you people should better stay away from me......i might turn into some monster one day......or....am I already one?.........That is my philosophy

2007-04-06T19:44:00.000+08:00

Do you believe you are still alive?what is alive?.........Those scientic explanations can prove that you are alive? Or actually those are just there to lie to us from the truth.we are born to this society. Our mind is what society give us. To believe what was taught and what was told which also go closely to our "standard body needs" like food and water. we believe everything we see...we smell...we touch ..is real. Do we need?.......Must we have?....... .....There are a few kinds of people to this kind of questions......First kind of people never thought about it in their life. Second kind of people thought in the materialistic way which their mind depended heavily on the dimension they are living. Third kind of people thought about it once or a few times but soon they grew tired and stop thinking until one day they might ask themselves again. The fourth kind are people who thought of these matters over and over again like "mad people". Some might discover some truths after some time but they will still carry on.......finding out more each day....each moment....finding out....through everday's experiences.....from every breath.....every moment of their " living time". A treasure....you want it?....do not want it?......you want it and you found it? Or you have not found it.........or you never found it?....That is my philosophy

2007-04-03T22:34:00.000+08:00

That day....saturday...i was good during my first match among my friends...3 on 2...I made shots.....i made hook shots... I was shooting 60 percent for that match...woohoo...But the followed up one was bad....i was dribbling on the spot where this guy came to foul me by hitting me with his chest....outside 3 point line. Kurt came to stop because he saw the atmostphere was not right....i was surprised on what the player was trying to do. I elbowed him once.....then twice....Kurt came, told me he fouled already....i threw the ball down and walked away, then continued the game. I told Felix i had enough with those people at our court. I want to train alone. I want us to train alone. I want to change court. So, this coming saturday, i will see. Besides ball game...today is my first NYP orientation day....i went to the school.....then the lecture theatre. Besides loads of craps....all i knew was Design courses are busy ones which they called it..."u cannot sleep"....no time to even sleep?......i want to grow taller man!.....by sleeping and practising my 900 shots everyday....so they said there are hardly time for CCA....man!......no time no time? I will see.......i wanted to join a CCA actually. Polytechnic...man..is this hell?....i felt the heat already....I have not practised my ball today...because i am very tired after today's orientation....i hope tomorrow will be fine enough for me to practise.....but what i am concern is still the Poly Life.....v.s. my sleeping and basketball life....can they match?.......I am trying to find out.....what troublesome matters everywhere. That is my philosophy

2007-03-30T13:50:00.000+08:00

Today...i started not to bother about hundreds of shots....i just practised and see....tomorrow will be the day to test out.....keep my energy for tomorrow. Tomorrow i will be back.....the old serious self on the court........If i do not get too nervous, i think i will be fine. So keep calm. I will rest now. Besides that, i will lock my warmth back....regain my coolness....and seriousness. I know a day will come again where it need to be freed from its prison again. That is my philosophy

2007-03-28T22:13:00.000+08:00

Few hours ago i enrolled on the NYP website. Finally, done! This morning i continued with my shooting practice....and i feel real good....I felt good since the first day which was yesterday....i really felt my shooting already improved just in 2 days.....I shall continue everyday.....and hopefully i can get the standard i want....and just keep improving non-stop....after my normal "no-tricks involved" shots have reached an satisfying level. My shots will be first tested out this saturday...2 more days of practices till saturday..3600shots by then..and i will make sure i will perform well. The feeling of the ball is great! That is the meaning of practise makes perfect. That is my philosophy

2007-03-25T22:43:00.000+08:00

Promise....How much does a promise worth?....That will depend on what a person promises. Nothing can buy a promise from someone.....if it can....i am telling you....it is no longer a promise....I promised Liying that i will finished the sketch of her face in a photo...although it has been really quite some time....but i promised....i will finished it....when i find back my feeling to draw.....it would not take much longer. I told Felix that i should practise shooting.....to make our team stronger.....because i am the only person who can afford to practise everyday.......although that is not a promise to him....it is promise to myself....900 shots everyday is my target....or actually compulsory....300shots from left, centre and right at close range....300 at mid-range...300 at long range....all these will be done inside 3 point line. I will master the 2 pointers......as long as i can knock down open shots.....we will have a better chance of winning.....my shots would be more accurate....which also would draw opponent to me....to loosen the pressure at the inside perimeter......Frankly saying....i have not practise shooting for a long time since i had friends coming to play with me........So, tomorrow morning, i will put the NYP evelope into the post box first...then my first 900 will start..........I hope i will become a pure shooter after sometime.......now then i knew....my road to a pure shooter have not yet begun. That is my philosophy

2007-03-24T23:48:00.000+08:00

I drove again this morning....because the one guarding me is a girl again.....man!.......we really need to improve....in order to trash them for that....TTFT. I finished my energy at the 1st 2 matches.....I watched a full-court match....by Felix, Kurt and 3 army men....against the Bishan East CC boys who are the boys that played here almost everyday. Great match as i watch Kurt performed........but Kurt got angry ....and pushed a ITE guy away.....after Kurt dribbled the ball into the 3 point line......He gave a push suddenly while saying.....get the fuck off man...something like that.......well...i think it is cool.......my slogan "TTFT-Trash Them For That".......is also my goal.......in order to trash....practise first..That is my philosophy

2007-03-23T21:44:00.000+08:00

Jeffrey was here again. Watching a bit of videos and watched us played basketball. The last match was a good one. 4 v.s. 3. Ernest, Felix and me against 3 girls and a tough guy. The girls are always killer shooters and close defender. Especially LiJia, a rough defender, hence i chose not to guard her today. We played hard.....and our score was 10-4 at first but the match dragged as long as 20 minutes more because we did not score and the girls and that guy scored consecutively....till the score was 10-10.....but we managed to grab a rebound at the most important moment....as i stood still at the centre of the three point line...with a girl in front close.......my mind had nothing then.....10-10.....one wrong move now can get us all killed......Just then, the 2 girls and that guy all went slightly to the left in the inside box to guard ernest and felix at the left side.....and my move was made.........drive in and scored the open lay-up........When i stood below the hoop, watching their 10th ball went in.....the feeling was....speechless......it was hard to believe that we let them caught up with 6 points.........When we got the pocession of the ball......in my hand before the offence.......1 point means means winning or losing.....when i layed the ball in.......as i watched it......i know....it was over.....i missed all my jump shots....as it was dark......abit more defenders.....rushing abit though.....but the main reason was i am not in good status today.........i scored only 2 points which was by driving in and layed it in.....my first was drive passed 3 defender and got it.....while the last was open and smooth.......Well.....i had my right ankle cramped.....but it would be alright..... I was fired up for a few times since that day.......now.....whenever i was provoked .....in some ways.....i will start playing with total strength......because i play ball nowadays....and not playing seriously.....so only when something hit me.....i will be on my top alertness.......So, people asked why am i still thinking about this match even though it was over. I said......they are girls......killer shooters and evil defender..........i treat everyone the same when we are in court.....should not defend loosely or play slacker just because there are girls in the match......for me....should be more serious when there are girls.....because they are playing against me....my opponents....my enemies..the end. That is my philosophy

2007-03-21T14:43:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow morning i will go to Ngee Ann city for medical check up.Today i think i will complete a couple of forms and wait for the billing thing to be completed by my mother in china. Looks like Poly will be a troublesome place to stay and learn. Crappy crap..hem! hem!... Its humid and warm here....and my face is going through the worst time ever....i thought...........my skin is bad too...i need to sleep early today in order to wake up at 8 30 am tomorrow. I failed today because i could not wake up. i could not sleep last night....looks like it is going to rain. That is my philosophy

2007-03-17T22:10:00.000+08:00

Oh...my gosh....Today...damn....although played with some alot better players.....but i hardly made shots or score for most of the games...just because the person guarding me is a girl. She guarded so close...sticking to me....I cant made shots....or even get passes from others.....and she blocked one of my 2 shots in a game......man!..............She kept chasing after me.....she defended like a mosquito......really STICK onto me.....felt really uneasy man.......Other than the craps that happened....Kurt told me that i should change my way of playing....Always dribble...Drive 1st, Pass 2nd then shooting from outside must always put at the last option....hence...i will take note of that....because...my top piorities are shoot or pass.....then dribble......lastly will be drive to the hoop....looks like i got the standard offensive way of basketball wrong huh......I played 6 hours today......and i had breakfast at 10am....I did not have my lunch......and my dinner just started just now...after i woke up from my nap. Man!.........Damn......i felt so shitty today.....I also felt that i am getting dumber..am i ?......*faint*.....I still felt sleepy....in fact i felt giddy.....Well, Jing Wen went for the trial shoot for the modelling this morning and it looked fine i think after messaging her.....I hope the scar on my face would fade away....That is my philosophy

2007-03-17T00:40:00.000+08:00

Audrey Hepburn....a movie star at the end of the last century. My mom looks like her, as many said so....ye..a little.... Tomorrow will be another basketball match.....in fact i have not play any this week. Soon, i will receive my enrolment package from NYP and get it done. I heard that school starts on 16 of April so it is about a month more to go. It has been quite a period of time since i last finished school in Bishan park secondary. I hope the new environment will not be too bad. Life is going to get busier for lazy bugs...So Far....those people such as Zhe Xuan, Benjamin Gwee and Deborah has gone into YJC, BenToh, Pei yi gone to NP, some people such as Estee and Wei Sinn have gone to SP...Rachel Charles and Zi Yun has gone to RP.....all over the place i can say. Jeffrey is with me....Cheng yi....Jia Wen and Guo liang...they are the ones going to NYP....but not my course of course.....the enrolment for my course is about 40 students....quite small in population comparing to Jeffrey's Mechatronics which is about 600 students. I dont want others to call me freak again.............That is my philosophy

2007-03-13T03:01:00.000+08:00

..Today....i spent most of the time sleeping......Only at the afternoon....i played with basketball with Felix and Ernest......felix might be the last in the few months.....He is going for National Service today, tuesday. Tonight i went to Douby gaut.......with Jeffrey again.......to play lan...at Princep Street.....and met Jojo......from TP......she is working there till 3:30 am.....while Jeffrey and I played for 3 hours....then returned to Bishan and have supper.....before returning home...Jojo will be returning home soon ..... I hope she gets home....and sleep.......thats all. After i was home....i watched a movie......about a spanish captain's life.....starring Viggo Mortenson(spelling might not be right) from Lord of The Rings.........should I said it was more of a tragedic life?........He did not stay with his beloved woman.......he spent his life killing....and taking on missions given by royal families........at last, he ended his life in the battle against the French.......yes.......every men dies.........hope that.......I hope that........ ...I could choose the way of my own death even though i wish to stay forever......That is my philosophy

2007-03-11T22:47:00.000+08:00

......I played basketball for 6 days this week.......with Felix...Ernest.....Song Yuan........Kurt......Jeffrey.....going out .....a little.............my thigh hurts......so do my toes.....no nails.....or blue blacks..........tomorrow ...will be the last game with Felix...he is going to National Service. So far....since last month.....i knew more people online.....Clare...Cheryl..Si Min....Eunice....Yeelee.....etc. More people to talk to when i log on to msn. 1 night ago....Jojo from TP, asked me whether i knew anyone that wants to be a model....for her company......i recommended Jing Wen....because thats her dream.....as far as i know. She is going for a trial shoot i heard from Jojo....so i wish JingWen....could get what she want.......hopefully.....mmm..The songs i listened to when i was in beijing and nanjing has been played here......although its so warm.....i can still remember how cold it is when i first listen to those songs........That is my philosophy

2007-03-08T23:31:00.000+08:00

Today, this movie made me cried. The battle of the island, Iwo Jima between United States and Empire of Japan. Suicides...killings.....deaths.....emotions....The letters of the died soldiers are left to bring their hope home......the hope of returning home......In the movie, a japanese officer told his men.....do what was right.............the commander of Iwo Jima told his men before he lead the last charge himself.......a day will come when they will weep and pray for your souls.......i will always be infront of you.........and when the commander was going to shoot himself while lying on the ground.....alone with the main character, he asked the soldier....is this still japan?........then shot himself..........the second starring character ......saigo....the ordinary soldier....survived.....the last moment was him lying at the beach on a stretcher with other wounded US marine soldiers.....before he left the cave.....he buried the letters of hope...into the cave....which later being discovered in 2005......shown in the movie...........hope......in letters.......letters of hope....That is my philosophy

2007-03-07T20:30:00.000+08:00

This week.....i practised basketball everyday.....but.....something is wrong everyday.....Monday, the ball accidentally hit right into my face, hurting my nose.......Tuesday, while checking the ball, it hit my mouth, making my lips bleed.....Today, wednesday,......I knocked my head and chin with a uncle during a collision in a game, and i tasted blood once more........there are 2 wounds in my mouth......so much accidents huh.........i am waiting for the coming saturday morning where i can play with kurt, the american player........i hope i would not injured myself again.........the last game at the court was not a pleasant one.....a guy's disgusting laughters and jokes, with their fouls on my friend consecutively makes me burn finally, i start defending like crazy....stealing..........and passing.......Today, my double personalities.......showed only one me....the warm me has been burned.....while the cold me took over totally........the very cold me.......i feel it....when i was playing my last game today......i feel it when i ask the return of the ball tonight.......and i feel it....when the guy who borrowed the ball asked me a question......i turned around and did not answer........I continue walking away....and turned back the next second............My emotions had a froze bite........tonight........after i played..........basketball.....for 6 hours today.....................The sky on my head is dull........filling my mind with nothing......but more blanks......."nothingness"......."feelingless".......and of course.......the passing of time......That is my philosophy

2007-03-06T10:41:00.000+08:00

This morning at 9, i checked my posting online from the JAE website. I was posted to my second choice-C83(Industrial Design). I am going to Nanyang Polytechnic, the School of Design.....Another matter is settled...Jeffrey the robot is going into NYP, school of Engineering while Cheng Yi was posted to NYP too...Other than that, i have not seen others going NYP yet. They are going NP(Bentoh&Peiyi), SP(Weisinn,Lengheng,Songwen), RP(Devan). So far those are all i knew. Soon, a mail will be delivered to my post for enrolment to NYP. Then start schooling again. *Yawn*....i want to get some rest first. That is my philosophy

2007-03-03T21:53:00.000+08:00

Today, at 9:30 am, I woke up and took a shower. After few minutes past 10, i went down to play basketball with Kurt, the American friend and Felix, from Catholic Junior College. We had a full court match today.....5 against 5....Our 5 are Kurt(nickname Steve Nash/Jason Kidd), Felix(nickname Point Center), Ernest(AJC nickname LeBron James), an Anderson JC boy which i forgot his name and me(Zack). Our opponents today are really bad compared to us which is because they are not basketballer(they hardly or almost never practised)...and all of them younger than us...they are secondary school boys. We trashed them with scores like 50-20......Just because our opponents are much weaker, everyone of us had good statistics...all of us scored, passed, assisted, dribbled, rebounded and stole their ball.....Kurt is just like what he is....giving assists....and chances to us to perform and always the best actually. Felix is interested in becoming center but his size is making him a guard instead....but he is good in the paint...making many "hooks"..that is his special move...to score, he is an all-time serious player which started playing basketball late too. Ernest has shot the 3s...and went into the paint but actually Kurt and Felix are the only ones capable in scoring in the paint....but Ernest is alright with his lay ups which start scoring from the very begining. AJC player is another serious player which kept dribbling and defended the opponent once he stepped into our half court. He made shots and lay ups too....but his inside scoring and lay ups are still in need of improvement. About me, i scored nothing at the start, i start to score only in the middle. I did not defend at all because i know today's opponent is a total crap....why?.....because alot of times....only 1 opponent dribbled the ball to us......while the rest of his 4 teamates were standing still in the other half of the court. I made about 5 shots out of 8 or 9. I missed the first 2 three pointers and scored 1 three point finally after some time for me to warm up. The 3 point, the only 3 point today is very funny. The funny part was when i got back to the ground after i jumped and gave that shot, everyone including me staring at that ball flying in the air...all this happened in less than half a second...and i said out loud" MISS".....but the ball flew into the hoop at the second....soft and nice....and Kurt started laughing while telling me.....like "EH......zaCK!..HAHA".....Then i scored a couple of 2 pointers......then....the lay up which i did not expect to score....I am the player that just started to learn lay ups actually....and i lay up in the face of that opponent after making an adjustment to avoid his defence...and i ran back happily to my half court. The last one was nicely done, perhaps the best, my finest moment. I got a steal...a hard one...both the person got stolen and i were like slipping down.....but i got the ball after a few moves....and drives to their baseline quick, made a break at the baseline because a guy was defending....turn to my left....where the direction of the hoop is, one quick step back and gave a jump shot....and scored!.....from the baseline...and again i ran back to my half court ...where my 4 other players were......standing there.....from far, i saw Kurt, Ernest and Felix i think.....raising their arms high with the first finger pointing towards my direction....and i did the same.......When i returned, Kurt was telling me that the moves i did just now were NBA style..." Steals the ball, drives in and a jump shot" said Kurt. I felt great although I dragged myself for the rest of the practices in the half court because of fatigue. After practice.....Felix and I went to MacDonald's for lunch....and had some talks......then went to the basketball court to shoot around for a while. I went to his home and watched NBA replay together(Miami Heat.vs.Dallas Mavericks). I gone home later.....doing my same old thing again...Today looks more lively.......i am looking forward for next's weekend's practice. YeaH. That is my philosophy

2007-03-01T22:35:00.000+08:00

So bloody bored u know.....It rained for 2 days!....i stayed at home...in front of my computer for 2 days too......Bloody hell...i am feeling sick.....of boredom....Actually this picture is very bored too....look at his expression....he gave that face....that as if he won with no effort at all......like " i am so bored....is this the best u all can give me?" So .....summary....bored......boredom kills. That is my philo....wait a minute...i have not finish yet...i heard that i will know which poly i will be posted to by 6th of March....good...good.....tomorrow will be better......basketball weekend comes.......That is my philosophy

2007-02-28T16:47:00.000+08:00

Its been raining since i woke up at 12 noon today. Still raining and looks like i could not play basketball with leng heng again....hence need to choose another day. Today might be the most boring day in the boring days in this month and the next......i really did nothing at all....nothing....Sometimes.....it will be just good for me to sit there and chant or sleep on the bed till the next day when there is no rain....That is my philosophy

2007-02-26T14:07:00.000+08:00

I will be going to watch another movie this week i guess. "Letters From IwoJima"(硫磺岛的家书).....i think i will be going with Jeffrey the robot. Today, i might be going to Ang Mo Kio's Kebun Baru Community Club to play basketball with Leng Heng....and also Ben Toh might be coming to do the last repair for my computer. The schedule seems to crash abit.....but soon i will know how it is going. .....*Beep*....Leng heng just messaged me....so maybe choose another day to play....because he has to work also.......okay....... Then alright....tomorrow there is a concert 《绣荷包〉.....my mom told me to ask around now.....even no one is interested in free tickets.....crap. You idiot! That is my philosophy

2007-02-20T16:40:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, i watched "Ghost Rider"......just another action movie.....another phrase in any other superhero story.....One who have the courage to sell his soul has the power to change the power and i say ....that power comes with great responsibility. Its the third day of the chinese new year.....same old day for me....sitting...eating....sleeping....yep..right........need to do something.....but hardly find one....except i want to do drawing again......or make effort to find my missing camera....or play some basketball........or even go out boringly......for....almost nothing......Maybe....watch another movie today?....ahar?....ok.......If you think you are bored......then play with boredom....That is my philosophy

2007-02-18T01:06:00.000+08:00

Hmm...in fact...i do not have much things to say because these days look the same for me.....just like the few previous posts....but today i hardly online.......i sat on the dining table most of the time and practised abit of my basketball on the empty court under my block. Things that are still the same are my mood.....same problems.......still listening to the same emo music.......Time might seem abit long for now......it might also be the longest month or period of time in the past years for me.......I am glad to see jing wen on her blog again.....replying my tag...felt better....but API lady Rem still .....have no sign of her....which is a mind illness for me now.....i am so thirsty to go for an API event......a little desperate.....The sky now is as dark as ink.....as slient as a deserted town.....its a new year.....for the lunar calendar.....but my feelings are still the same just like all the others days after I returned to Singapore......feeling....numb.....frozen.....feeling "feelingless"....All i can feel is again...like what i say before.................the flow of time.......my existence..........the feeling....of life.........Life...like a dream.....seems so real to me........That is my philosophy

2007-02-15T21:26:00.000+08:00

Today, i spent time with Jeffrey.....around NTUC and Junction 8. We did somethings.....which we hardly did...Normal stuff such as buying things......I hope i have not lost contact with my API lady....she did not reply me for days on msn when she was online. My eczema skin problem got worse today..................hoping tomorrow will be better. You people should always be satisfied and glad you have healthy skin.... .....i am so itchy over here......Itch and scratch. Scratch and bleed......everyone.....is gone...jing wen....people.....and now the API lady rem......I did not see Jing wen online for at least one month.....Rem ignore me on msn for days already....i have not done anything yet......The time i have between now and the day i finally enter Polytechnic......seems to be so much......so free......everyone seems to be...gone..... ...................................................................................enjoy the flow of time.... ..................................................................That is my philosophy

2007-02-15T00:49:00.000+08:00

Today.....slept till 12 plus........then after lunch .....slept again....till 5pm....Woke up....online....went for a piano concert...at 7 pm plus...12am reached home...then...again stone in front of the computer.......thats is it...tomorrow....jeffrey will come to my house...show him some of my drawings.....maybe...walk around at Junction8. Tomorrow i hope to do some drawing...not drawing since i return from beijing......except that skeleton hand.....which is 1 sketching only.....need to keep on going....else...the feeling in my hand will fade.......feeling sleepy....warm...msn left no one for me to talk again......again....That is my philosophy

2007-02-13T22:13:00.000+08:00

Today, I did alot of staring.....doing nothing but staring nothing........into the air......even i was in the basketball court.....i just sat there staring blankly.......i do not know what i can do.....my API "guide"....do not reply me on msn...which i do not know why....some problems......now left with not much things to do......online.....basketball......doing nothing.....what else can i do?....drawing?....ye?......yes.......yes...bored....i started to feel bored of my music.....the same music all the time......... ......what can i do?......i know i do not have any friends to go out with.....if i go out.....it is equally boring........maybe ...i just need to tolerate for some time...and soon i will be busier......... ....m..........That is my philosophy

2007-02-13T00:11:00.000+08:00

Ermm.............................................. ...............................bored....yes....very....msn....bored.... I have submitted my choices.....for my bloody polytechnics huh?.......HA!...yes....CRAPS!........BULLSHITS....... .....u know.....i have been listening to the same song for the past few hours......"As long as you love me"....."I want it that way"....."Show me the meaning of being lonely"......and "I lay my love on you".. I boringly listening to these boring songs........Confusius is very right.....any problems that comes to u......is caused by yourself.....i am so bored....it is my FAULT!..........I am the one that i should be blaming.......craps.... ....... ...... ............ ........I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW.....I AM A FREAK!.....I AM MAD.....INSANE...CRAZY FELLOW...........IRRITANT.....that BUGGING people all the time......I SHOULD BLOODY well shut the hell UP.......Its NOBODY'S FAULT.....mY FAULT....WHATEVER THINGS u people do not like about me...throw them out .....as much as you can....yes.......that is right...... ....... .....i ...just like this statue...standing............and standing........ .....i should cut the crap right?....RIGHT?.......SO U PEOPLE BETTER IGNORE ME.......because the reason is simple.....isnt it?.....That is my philosophy

2007-02-11T14:09:00.000+08:00

I received my O level result on friday.....L1R5=26......L1R4=18(minus bonus point).........the cut off point are like 17,18 and 19 for those courses that i picked.....They are all design course.......i am a bit troubled.......but soon i will register......tomorrow....monday.........The place i hope i am going is Nanyang Polytechnic....hope.....always human's last light.......only in the heart of people...I saw students getting good and bad results......some retaking...some felt disappointed...I feel nothing for myself......hey Joanna........JC girl!.........Pearlyn.........you are alright........and for many.....they reached their destination of secondary education.......I continue living as Zackwise...the road ahead........seems.....like a labybrith......we....went into this labybrith.....and make new friends.....after some time......we were dispersed.....and each one of us met new people and problems.....sometimes....in this labybrith...we might met the same people again.....some continued to walk in groups........a few might chose to search alone....the things they saw...the humans they met......will be passerby only....see and go.......This labybrith is the world....That is my philosophy

2007-02-03T00:35:00.000+08:00

Well, it has past 12 mid night...today supposedly....my journey back to singapore.....msn messenger has left me with no one for me to chat with....no one that is close enough......and I just came to my blog here to talk to myself on the tagboard....looks interesting to me...but might look crazy to all of you or at least most of you. You know, in my life, my current life, the most common words i heard from people were "crazy", "mad", "siao" and lastly "freak". Nowadays, memories from the past came running again and again in my mind....non-stop.....all about me from a kid.....from 1 year-old knowing how to draw by myself.....asking philosophical questions at 2-3 years old.....then 5 i left for singapore from china......primary schooling was in Nan Chiau High School(primary)......how the students and teachers there bullied me....distrust.....prejudice.
After 4 years in nan chiau...it went to seng kang and i was transferred to Stamford Primary in Bugis.....p5 and 6 there was better although i brought my hatred...my fear and my anguish along. For secondary school...i have chosen Bishan Park......after 4 years here.......all i know....something that i cannot believe nor i will expect nor even hope in the past...which is people do care for me......my Boys' Brigade life will be one regret for me to stay as serjeant......but the memories in BB......is one of the clearest memories i have now......and i always reflect from it.......Now, after O levels examination......i went to beijing again to learn drawing..as i know drawing will be my most important skill later....my talent in drawing...some music....histories, paranormal activities and my own philosophy.....Now again.....sorry for repeating.....i am leaving for singapore to receive my results for O levels......when i am back....what awaits me is my basketball....Asia Paranormal Investigators for my so called ghost hunting......drawing........a new school....and a new route in my life.........A little boy....who was cheerful....warm hearted...and kind has become a icy cold person.....filled with anger and bad memories..........but soon...he knows that even to keep cool outside.....his emotions can never be locked.........Now...freedom of my mind and feelings come.......This time...when i re-enter singapore.....i know i am a changed person....again...this is the 6th time i guess.....first was the primary sch change....turning into a coward....then the post- nan chiau change.....turning into a boy filled with grudge.....followed by the post Stamford change....to feel better but not fully recovered yet.......the secondary 3 change is to let my inner self out....filled with daring thoughts and words.....but was too heated.......sec 4 change cooled me down somehow........and finally......on 4th of febuary........the return of zackwise........the change of zackwise.....a new zackwise.....welcoming this spring....2007.......Only till today....now...this very moment...i start to love this blog the most....not to show to others but to let myself...show it to myself...the evidence of life.....summarising and reflecting.....and lastly....i hope anyone that dislike my old self....anyone ..please...look at me with a fresh impression of me...the new me.......has arrived....Thank you.....That is my philosophy

2007-01-31T22:23:00.000+08:00

4th of Feb.....The return of the One.....Zackwise The One.....my new name for myself.....soon.....as i said earlier in this blog.....i have feelings that i will have an unpredictable journey ahead.....The feeling getting stronger now.....life changing rapidly......on 3rd, i would have my last art lesson in beijing here....then the train that will take me to nanjing will leave on 22:44 hours......and i will arrive on the next morning......and at 14:30 plus hours.....depart for Singapore island from Nanjing Lukou Airport...........estimated time for arrival is 19:30 plus.....at Changi Airport............i will be back.....for my basketball.....my new life in Asia paranormal Investigators (hopefully).. and i will keep on drawing.....everyday i think...and lastly...i might receive my result for O levels on that very week..........and will decide where i am going next.....My return.....a changed me.....The One, Zackwise.......here i am again.......i am the one the world is waiting for....That is my philosophy

2007-01-27T23:06:00.000+08:00

Recently, i am deciding to join API or maybe SPI...soon i will decide.....SPI looks more professional but API 's leader was also the ex founder of SPI....because of different ideas ...he was out....after having conflicts with his good friend...another founder of SPI.....Now abductboy is the founder of API while Kenny is the head of SPI. Perhaps i am thinking i should try for API first...because to apply for API member...i just need to fill in blanks online...and enter...comparing to SPI's application procedures....printing out the form....and mail it with a crossed cheque of 20 dollars to them....which can only be done after i returned to singapore.....Thinking about online in singapore....i hope my com is alright when i am back....or need another reformat when i get back.....In fact, i really wish to come back during early febuary...because i am drawing my brains out here...the teacher who taught me one on one.....has very high expectation....she wanted me to draw like the bachelor degree students in her institute which was the top art institution in china....only few out of ten thousands of students are chosen by that school every year.. I will be back for the result of O levels.....soon..very soon...it seems...many paths is layed before me now.....cause and effect...dear...cause and effect...That is my philosophy